Page 49 of Betsy
She paused, and I waited for her to continue in her own time.
“He really was impressive. Not just with his raw talent, but with his maturity. I’d never met any other eighteen-year-old that had such a solid plan for the future. Especially one interested in any of the arts.”
She grew quiet, her mind seeming to return to that time and place.
“What happened?” I asked quietly.
“I introduced him to my sister. She was struggling with some of her friends, and I thought Wyatt could maybe help somehow since they went to the same school. They hit it off instantly and were practically inseparable after that.” Her breath shuddered out of her. “Not much later, Wyatt received an opportunity to go to Nashville with the promise of something big on the horizon that would launch his music career. He got that phone call the same day Bella discovered she was pregnant.”
My fingers tightened around Betsy’s hand.
“My sister is a struggling teen mom raising her baby without a papi, while he’s living the life of his dreams without a care in the world. The things he said to her before he left…” She shook her head, blinking back tears. “And I’m partly to blame. I should’ve seen his disloyal and self-seeking nature from the start. Should’ve protected my sister from him instead of being the one that fed her to that wolf in sheep’s clothing.”
I pressed my lips to the crown of her head. “I’m so sorry that happened.”
She shrugged as if it didn’t matter, but she was only lying to herself.
“That’s why I made the rule.” Her voice had gone flat.
Things fell into place to form a clearer picture. “And why you won’t sing?”
She sat up straight and faced me. Looked me square in the eye. “I can never allow myself to be in a position where I am even tempted to turn my back on my family or walk away from who I am. Not for a dream or a passion or a purpose. I will not fall down any slippery slopes. Not if I keep my feet planted on firm ground.”
Past the defiant tilt of her chin, I glimpsed fear in the back of her eyes. Sensed her pulling away, retreating back behind her walls once again.
“Do you think I will do that?” I tried to keep the hurt out of my voice. “That a career in music will change me and I’ll become a man with a disreputable character?”
She didn’t answer, just stared at me with her jaw locked in a stubborn line. Which was an answer in and of itself, wasn’t it?
“You still don’t really trust me, do you?” I pushed the words out on a pinched breath.
We had been so close. Right there. I could still taste her on my lips. Feel the ghost of her warmth where she’d placed her palm over my beating heart. But now it felt like I was clutching at air. Trying to hold on to something that I’d never really had to begin with.
Betsy blinked but otherwise sat impassive. The passion and openness with which she’d kissed me minutes before had been erased, as if recounting how Wyatt had misused her sister had reminded her of all the reasons she’d walled herself away from anyone touching any piece of her heart in the first place. For now, there was no getting past that.
I stood up but didn’t take my eyes off hers. “One day,” I said quietly, “I hope you can see me the same way I see you.” I gave her a sad smile and walked away.
19
Betsy
The last week had been a rehearsed production, my body going through the motions while my mind and my heart watched from the wings. The band performed each night, somehow getting better with every song, the energy from the audiences pushing their talent and creativity to new heights.
I adjusted their EQs. Fixed their fades. But otherwise, I was removed. Numb. Impenetrable to the moving power of Asher’s voice and the soul-searching depth of their music.
I should’ve felt safe. Secure. After all, hadn’t I protected myself from surefire pain? Instead, all I felt was a deep sense of loss. Like something amazing had been at my fingertips and, instead of holding on, I’d shoved it away.
Asher’s kiss stayed in my mind. That infuriating, world-spinning kiss that had changed everything. If he hadn’t touched me, then I wouldn’t have known. I could’ve continued to live in blissful ignorance. But he’d barged through that door, opening me up to something I’d never thought possible.
His kiss had tasted like acceptance. Had felt like comfort in a way that dared me to be fully myself, no holds barred. There had been assurance, but with passion. Both sweet and spicy at the same time.
It had left me lightheaded and hungry for more.
Then my mind had cleared. He’d brought up my no-dating-musicians rule. My reasons for it. And everything my sister had gone through the last couple of years came crashing down like a tsunami, picking me up and pulling me back to a sea of bitterness and resentment.
Somehow, allowing myself to develop feelings for a musician felt disloyal to my sister. Especially because of the part I’d played in her broken heart. I couldn’t risk my being with a singer and guitarist bringing Bella more pain. I hadn’t done a good job of protecting her before, but I was determined not to make that same mistake a second time.
Why couldn’t Asher see that? See that my wariness didn’t come because of him (Ididtrust him…mostly), and stop pushing me to do or be more than I was willing. Why did me singing in front of people mean so much to him? It wasn’t like he needed me up there with him. He could get a record deal with any label, either solo or with the band, if he wanted. So why was he making such a big deal about my refusal to sing in public?
