Page 74 of Hearts in Circulation
She rolled her eyes playfully, but that becoming blush overtook her cheeks once again. “Oh, now you say more than one word.”
They held each other’s gazes, a wholly different conversation going on. One where Hayley reminded him of her uncertainty and Levi reassured her of his.
Letting her off the hook, he asked, “How was your day, Hayley?”
She visibly relaxed, happy to go back to their playful banter and leave more weightier discussion for another time.
“Cletus and I went to Talikwa and spent the morning at the senior center.”
His shoulders tensed. “Any mechanical issues?”
“Not a one. Almost like someone had recently spent a great deal of time under the hood making sure things ran smoothly.” She flashed him a grin.
“Good.”
“You know, I cursed Mayor Breckenridge for foisting that hunk of junk on the library, but I think I need to revoke my ill will.”
“Oh yeah?”
“I had a lot of fun today meeting everyone and bringing books and connection to communities that sometimes feel cut-off. I didn’t think I’d like the circulation part of being a circulation librarian, but I actually love driving the bookmobile around.”
“I’m glad.”
“Although maybe you fixed Cletus up a little too well.”
“How’s that?”
“Well, now when I want to be stranded in Turkey Grove with you, I’m going to have to pull a play out of the nun’s handbook fromThe Sound ofMusicand steal the distributor cap.”
“And here I thought I was the only one to come up with that plan.”
33
My emotions going into the doctor’s office on routine test days could be represented with the yin yang symbol—opposite yet interconnected feelings that swirl inside me. At least, I think that’s what the symbol means. My aunt Missy tried to explain the ancient Chinese philosophy to me one night while we gorged ourselves on chocolate chip cookie dough, but I think she got her information from Wikipedia when she was trying to learn more about her biological roots, so it’s quite possible we’re both off base.
Either way, that’s how getting these regimented tests done feels. On the one hand, I push back the worry and invite in the positive thoughts. The tests have only ever come back with good, normal results. I haven’t been experiencing any symptoms that would lead anyone to believe that today’s results will be any different. I’m healthy. I’m happy. I have a lot to be grateful for. On the other hand, today’s resultscouldbe different. There’s always the possibility that they will be, and quite frankly, it’s only a matter of time.
The swirl of emotions circles, so it doesn’t matter how many times I relegate the negative feelings to the recesses of my mind; they still niggle their way to center stage, demanding a chance to audition for the lead role. A constant rotation ofpositive and negative. Honestly, I’m surprised these days don’t leave me a nauseous mess.
“Hayley?” Joan smiles at me from the threshold of the door that separates the waiting room from the exam rooms. There are other nurses who work here, but for some reason Joan has been the one to initiate each of my visits over the years. The familiar sight of her makes me feel both comforted and anxious.
I grab my purse and sling it over my shoulder as I follow her to the back, reminding myself that this visit will be like all the others. No need to worry.
“How’ve you been?” Joan asks kindly as we make our way down the hall.
“Doing well. What about you? How’s your husband?” Last time I was here, her husband had been in the ER a few floors down getting a fishing hook taken out of his hand and then a tetanus shot for good measure.
She rolls her eyes. “Would you believe me if I said he’s on a fishing trip with his buddies right now?”
I laugh at her exasperation.
“Boys, beer, and bass: a dangerous combination.” She shakes her head. “If I get called away because of an emergency, you’ll know why.” She stops in front of an open door. “You’ll be in exam room three today.”
I turn to enter through the open door but pull up short when a large figure farther down the hall captures my gaze. I know the broad expanse of those shoulders, the corded muscles of those forearms. I’ve kissed that bearded jaw.
“Levi?”
He stoops and disappears into the last room at the end of the hall, unaware that I’ve called out to him.
