Page 63 of Heart Check
I’m halfway through my apology before I realize what he’s said. I whip my head sideways to try to look him in the eyes. “What?”
“I’m holding you and Noah back.” He won’t meet my gaze. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what he said in that first practice. That he needs his best guys at his side. Let’s face it, Dawson, I’m not that.”
“Alex, stop.” I shake my head. “I’m the one who’s been playing badly today. That has nothing to do with you.”
“I don’t know.” Alex frowns. “We either play well together or we don’t. I appreciate the chance and everything, but it’s not working out. This game has a lot on the line. For you, for everyone. We should put our best guys forward. I’m happy to be a supporting player, you know? If I make a good pass or two, I’ll be happy.”
A part of me can’t help wondering if he’s right. I know I’m in my head today, but maybe our strategy is part of it. We’re all learning how to play in a whole new way this year, and maybe it’s just not working.
But Alex is my guy. I don’t want him thinking about himself that way. “We’re going to book some extra ice time to get in some more practice, okay? Like I promised. This is your year.” Alex opens his mouth to protest, but I shake my head. “I clearly need the extra drills too. Don’t think I’m doing you a favor.”
Before Alex can respond, Coach Dan is at our side. “Gentlemen.” He nods. “Dawson, can I have a word before you go?”
Alex grimaces sympathetically, nodding before heading toward the locker room. I stare after him. Did anything I said sink in? It’s hard to know with Alex. That guy keeps his own worries and insecurities deep on the inside until it’s too late.
Dan clears his throat, and I turn back to face him. I’ll talk to Alex more later. “Coach?”
This moment gives me a twisted flashback to last week, when he told me I was skating well and all I had to do was keep it up to get that scout’s attention.
From the furrowed brows behind his thick glasses, I have a feeling today’s conversation won’t have the same flavor.
“What’s going on with you, Dawson?” he asks.
I blink. I was not expecting a question. “Nothing, Coach.”
Dan’s frown lines deepen. “You’re not skating like nothing’s going on. What happened between last week and today?”
I shuffle my weight from one skate to the other. All I want to do is take off down the ice, but my coach is asking me a direct question.
Mortified, I mumble, “Girl problems.”
I brace myself. Coach Red would’ve torn me a new one. Laughed me off the ice, then shouted something about how this sport isn’t for softies and if I skate well enough, there’ll be plenty more girls where that one came from.
It’s kind of creepy, how clearly I know what he’d say.
Coach Dan just nods. “We’ve all been there. But it’s getting in your head, Dawson. And it’s interfering with your game. If you keep playing this poorly, I’m going to take you off the first line. Not as punishment, but for the sake of the rest of the team. They’ve been working hard, and this game matters to them, too.”
I stare at my feet. “I understand, sir.”
“Do whatever you have to do to fix it,” Coach Dan says. “If you need to talk…”
I nod rapidly, starting to edge toward the locker rooms. “Yes, Coach. Thank you.” It’s nice of him to offer, but the last thing I want to do is spill my feelings about Harper to mycoach. “I’ll fix it. I’m going to stay to practice for a bit. Figure out my game.”
He nods and follows the guys into the locker room. As soon as he’s gone, my smile drops.
Dan and Alex are approaching the same problem from two different angles. Our line isn’t working, and something has to change. Fuck Alex for being the best guy I know—of course he took it on himself. But Dan sees how much I’ve slipped.
Too bad I have no idea how to fix my game.
Do I have to apologize to Harper?
Forget about her?
Figure out what it is about me that’s so repellent?
Whatever the answer is, I don’t think I can do it before Friday.
Left alone on the ice, counting down the days to a game that makes me nauseous, my dreams have never seemed so far away.
