Page 42 of Kissing is the Easy Part
“To be honest, he hasn’t talked to me much ever since you guys got together,” Josie says. “I think he spends all his free time with you. It feels different this time. And I don’t know if you need to hear this, but he did say he’s crazy into you and you’re the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen.”
Madison makes a disgruntled sound at the back of her throat. “No, she doesn’t need to hear that.”
“Maybe I should call him myself. Maybe if I tell him I’m sorry—”
“Honey,no. I’m glad I’m here to save the only remaining thing in your dead relationship.” Madison grabs my phone out of my hands. Her gaze is harsh, but there’s also a thin veil of worry. “Your dignity. You told him you loved him, and he spat in your face. That would’ve done it for me.”
The dark memory cuts through me, splitting me in half.
She’s right.
She’s trying to protect me. How much lower can I get? I’m already at basement level. For months I’ve been staring up at him on his throne, worshiping him, yet he didn’t hesitate for even one second when he threw my love back at me.
Madison eats the food Carmen brought over, not even stopping to check the ingredient list and calories. She cares enough to pause her diet. And Josie, even though I’d never ask her to pick a side, I feel like she has. Whenever I cry, Carmen cries almost as hard as I do.
I need to pull myself together. I assure them I’ll bounce back in no time, and convince them that they did a good job comforting me. Madison stays with me after Carmen and Josie leave, then sleeps in my bed with me.
In the middle of the night, her eyes are closed. I curl up into a tight ball, my body shaking as the tears fall. I miss Sean with every shaky breath I take.
The sky unveils and unveils, changing from the color of dark seawater into the underbelly of a fish, the light casting different shapes on my windowpanes.
It’s okay to put dignity aside for one more text, right? I stare at the screen for an eternity before I type:
Flora:I’m sorry about everything. Forgive me. I miss you
I should’ve been more supportive. His test is crucial, and I shouldn’t have gotten mad at him. It’s all my fault. I should’ve been more considerate, more understanding, and overall a better girlfriend.
Immediately, the three dots appear, flickering across the bar, then stop. After a pause, they start again, only to halt once more. The cycle repeats, until finally, the message comes through.
A fresh wave of tears follows.
Sean:Goodbye. Take care of yourself
* * *
The next two weeks at school, I avoid him like a clearance sale. Everyone knows we broke up. I make sure my appearance is impeccable, proudly embracing the role of the dumper, but at home, my tears drop faster than a snapped pearl necklace.
If my life were a movie, this would be the part where I dye my hair a bold color, head to Bali to cleanse my soul, and return transformed. In reality, I pull myself together with a fat check from my parents, a list of the saddest movies from Raymond, and a seething hatred for Sean Foster. That hate propels me forward. If he were to beg me to come back, I’d toss my hair in his face and laugh my head off.
The first post-breakup encounter takes place at my locker. It’s after school, mid-February, and he walks up to me wearing a button-up shirt without a single wrinkle, and he’s every bit as unaffected and composed as he’s always been. A couple of sophomores mill about, whispering and pointing at us. Everything is gossip around this place.In that moment, I wish something awful will happen to him, likebeing made to sing the morning announcements while everyone snickers.
“How can I be of assistance?” I ask coldly, trying to sound smart.
“I’ve been thinking a lot. There’s something—”
“Flora, I heard you’re single again.” We’re interrupted by Liam Turner, a senior and the captain of the basketball team, and also one of the few people Sean doesn’t like.
“I certainly am.”
“Then maybe you’d go out with me?” He sounds like he’s doing me a favor.
What kind of person does this in front of an ex? And they’re teammates! Liam is clearly a douche. “Fill out the form,” I say. “There happens to be a line.”
“Text me the link.” Liam laughs as he backs away. “And I’ll get right on that.”
“Don’t go out with him,” Sean says.
“I don’t remember asking for your opinion.”
