Page 79 of Kissing is the Easy Part
“No, thanks. I don’t want to study together.”
He laughs. “Can we not do anything other than be with each other? This is really nice.” He pulls me down so I’m lying in his arms, and I play with his fingers.
Up in the trees overhead, a bird chirps. There’s a gentle breeze and leaves rustle as a response.
I say, “Tell me theworstthing you’ve ever done.”
Sean’s eyes spring open, and he looks at me with mock disbelief. “You can’t keep quiet for even two seconds.”
“It must be something painfully mild, like abandoning groceries in the wrong aisle. Or cheating on a few tests in middle school.”
“Actually, I never cheated on tests.”
I gasp. “You should be ashamed of yourself!”
“In seventh grade, there was this bully at my school. I hacked into his game account and stole all his weapons. I felt terrible about it afterward.”
Sean says this in such a serious manner, like he genuinely regrets it, and my heart flutters. He’s sopure. “Were you bullied yourself?”
“No, but every morning on the school bus, he’d torment this other kid. Call him names, get the rest of us to laugh along. Even Dylan chimed in once or twice. Not making excuses, but Dylan lost his dad around that time, and he took it hard. He was angry all the time, lashing out at everything. I hated watching it happen. One day I told him he’s better than that, and he stopped and even wrote an apology card to make amends. That’s why my mom calls him a sweet kid and why my dad told you I was bitter in middle school.”
“But it sounds like you stood up for this kid.”
“No, I didn’t join in, that’s all. I could’ve done more. Sometimes I wish I had, but I generally hate confrontations. I’m the kind of person who never says anything when the server gets my order wrong.”
But he called me a piece of work. He said I was in love with myself. His eyes are clear and innocent now, and I can’t wrap my head around it.
I swallow, fighting the knot in my throat. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“Why did we break up last year?”
He holds my gaze, and slowly, he says, “Flora, you cheated on me.”
The sentence doesn’t register at once. Of all the possible reasons, this has never crossed my mind. I’d be less surprised if he told me he was an undercover assassin and only did it to protect me. “What? No, I didn’t!”
“Don’t lie.” Sean pulls away from me and a muscle moves near his jaw. “This is part of the reason I said nothing before. I didn’t want to hear you lie to me again.”
“I’m not lying. I never evenconsideredcheating on you.”
“With Raymond Corbett.”
I’ve hung out with Raymond eight billion times, but we’re merely friends who goof together, not to mention cheating on Sean with Ray is apreposterousidea. Isn’t that like cheating on Bradley Cooper with that funny bearded guy inThe Hangover? Come on.
“The night before my physics test,” he says with difficulty.
It takes me a second, but the memory clicks. “He came over, we drank and hung out. I didn’t tell you right away because we were fighting and you had your test. I planned to tell you later.” My head spins. “But that’s all we did! He brought beer, he smoked, we gossiped, then he left. He tried to kiss me goodbye, but it meant nothing. He kisses everyone when he’s drunk, and that night, with his parents splitting up, he was especially out of it. He doesn’t even remember it.”
Sean’s face blanches, color draining like petals wilting under a cold front.
“It’s true. But you were studying. How did you know about this—and why would youeverthink . . . ?”
“I staked out your apartment. Not proud of it. Honestly, I hate that I even went there. I was spiraling and didn’t know what else to do. I kept telling myself I was being paranoid, but you lied on the phone, and I wanted to prove myself wrong. But I saw you together, and the next day you lied again to my face.”
“I’m so sorry you had to see that. And I’m sorry I lied, that was wrong. I thought I’d wait for a better moment to bring it up, which was terrible judgment. But I never cheated on you. I wouldnevercheat on you.”
“I assumed . . .that’swhat happened?” His voice is unsteady, eyes wide with panicked realization. “So you never cheated on me,” he says, testing the sound of it on his tongue.
