Page 41 of Kissing is the Easy Part
c. Tactfully avoid the question by kissing me.
But Sean disregards my words as he has every thoughtful gift, every gesture, including the invitation for a night together at my parents’ lake house. The sting in my chest twists, sharp and searing, until it erupts into rage. “What’s your problem?”
“You don’t take this relationship seriously. I took a chance on us, and I should’ve known better. I was so excited when we went exclusive, but now I’m disappointed,” he says, each word dropping with weight, crushing me.
Why’s he doing this to me?
He has more purpose in life and more important things to do, I get it. I’m a dumb, pretty cheerleader who lucked out and got his attention, and I’ve been flipping over backward to stay on his good side. I tried my best to be understanding, to stay out of his way, and I already forgave him for the stupid fight on Saturday. But he’s lashing out at me.
“I’m disappointed too!” My voice cracks. “And for the record, I put a lot of effort into this relationship. Too bad you find it challenging to keep up. I’m the one planning our dates because you sure can’t come up with anything worth doing, and funny how that was never a problem before.” I inhale, my breath shuddering. “You know what? Sorry to waste your time. If you’re so miserable, maybe we should break up.”
I say it out of spite, of course. One of those stupid heat-of-the-moment outbursts. I don’t want to break up with him, not even for one second.
For a moment, it seems to snap Sean out of whatever drug he’s on. His eyes flicker, but then something shifts. His expression flattens, and that small flicker snuffs out entirely. He runs his eyes over my face. “Yeah, maybe we should.”
The words hang in the air. I must’ve heard wrong.
But his face is calm, unreadable. He means it. I can feel it in the pit of my stomach—the hollow, sinking certainty. My heart stops. For once it isn’t because of how cute he is.
“Fine.”
Getting out of his car, I slam the door. This is how we end every conversation lately. It isn’t until I’m standing in the cold winter air that I register the hot tears streaming down my cheeks. Sean drives off and doesn’t look back.
* * *
With great difficulty, I scrape up the broken pieces of myself, Uber home, and call Madison and Carmen to join me, but I hesitate about Josie. Maybe she has to be Sean’s friend right now.
All three of them show up together, and Josie wraps me in a hug as soon as I open the door. Carmen holds a box of chocolate chip cookies and cartons of ice cream (vegan options included for Madison). I break down the moment I see them.
“I don’t understand,” I say between hiccups. “I thought we were going great!”
“Technically,youbroke up withhim,” Madison offers as a consolation. “So you can tell everyone you dumped him.” In her world, the first thing to clarify after a breakup is who ended it.
Carmen rubs my back as we sink into the couch.
“Is this whole happy-couples thing my illusion? How could he blindside me like this? He called me spoiled, self-centered, and insensitive!”
“I get it,” Carmen says, although I doubt she does. The girl has never had a boyfriend in her sixteen years of life (not that there’sanything wrong with that). “It’s bad enough when the relationship is going stale, but to break up with no warning makes it that much harder.”
Madison crosses her legs. Her hair gleams in polished waves, brushed out to that perfect Old Hollywood finish. “You only dated for a few months. He turned out to be a jackass, but you got out in time. There’s no use crying over a high-school jock. Even stray cats are more likable than they are.”
Josie shakes her head. She always says she can’t represent two parties with conflicting interests. “Sean’s usually not like this.”
“He blew his test and took it out on you,” Madison says.
“Sean would never do that,” I say. “Blow his test, I mean. He’s a genius on the way to a Nobel Prize.” I shift my attention to Josie again. She’s the mutual friend, after all. “Jo . . . can you ask him? And your earrings are awesome.”
“Aw, thanks. Even when you’re sad, you appreciate the bling. I already called him on my way over. He said it’s none of my business and that he doesn’t want to hear anything about you.” Josie rakes her hand through her tousled, blunt-cut bob. “He’s never this moody and sullen. I can call him again if you want. Really, I’m happy to do it.”
“I just don’t understand. Any insights you might have—did he break up with all his exes this way?” As my dad says, past behavior is the best predictor.
Carmen hands me a tissue and grabs one for herself.
“Sean’s pretty unmotivated about dating,” Josie says. “To him, it’s like riding in a boat floating downstream. If the weather’s nice and the water’s calm, then sure, but he has no interest in an upstream battle against currents. Usually the girls ask him out, and he goes along with it until it’s not convenient anymore, like when she moves away or—”
“Or gets in the way of a physics test,” Madison finishes.
I chased Sean too. I threw myself at him, and I guess heacceptedme. But not anymore.
