Page 81 of Kissing is the Easy Part
“I think I do.” I put my arms around his waist. There’s still a lingering bitterness in the corner of my brain that he was so quick to misjudge me, but strangely, I also feel closer to him. We were both scared, but we risked ourselves to get here. “From now on, please tell me everything. If you’re ever unhappy, you have to let me know.”
“Well, there’s just one small thing. This picnic you prepared is awesome, but I can’t survive on cold sandwiches and chilled tea alone.” His lips brush my ear, and he speaks in such a cute, pleading tone, there’s absolutely no way I can refuse him. “I’msohungry. Can we please go get some cheese fries?”
“Sure, anything you want.”
“Anything?”He cocks his eyebrows. “Then I asked for the wrong thing.”
I laugh and hit him. He really knows how to push his luck.
* * *
After hanging out together all afternoon, I’m not ready for Sean to leave. We finally cleared the air, and I want to make up for lost time.
“Can you stay with me tonight?” I ask.
“I can try,” he says. I let him drive my car and set the lake house address on the GPS, and the day swerves into evening. As he mulls over what excuse to give to his parents, I order pizza delivery on my phone.
The sky stretches dark and vast, adorned with scattered stars. The glow from passing lampposts flickers and blurs, and my mind is a jumble of fragmented thoughts. What if we’d done this a year ago? If I hadn’t gotten into that fight with Sean over his physics test, maybe things would’ve turned out differently. Then again, maybe not. We could’ve fought over something else and ended things in the heat of the moment. Maybe every path would’ve eventually led to the same destination.
“I should’ve tried harder.” Sean breaks the silence. “Last year, it was my mistake to let you go. I didn’t even give you a chance to explain. Instead, I got angry and defensive, lashed out, and said things I didn’t mean. That wasn’t fair to you, and I see how that must’ve blindsided you. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I whisper. “It’s all in the past.”
“After everything you did for me, I ran away. Put my pride before you.” His jaw tightens. “I feel like I betrayed you.”
I turn my face to the night because I don’t want him to see me cry,again.
Sean gets me, after all. He knows I need to hear this, even though he isn’t the best at pouring out his heart. The breakup seemed like an unfair twist of fate at the time, but in retrospect, maybe it was a blessing. A second chance to fix things. Perhaps we were meant to be apart for a while, because making up is too good.
Sean steers the wheel with his left hand and takes my hand with his right one. “Baby, I’m sorry.” He holds my hand all the way to the lake house, like making a silent statement.
It’s as if a part of him has opened up, and for the first time in our relationship, I feel completely understood.
* * *
I went to Rome with my family once. When we visited the Colosseum, our tour guide told us an anecdote about how they’d starve the lions for a week then rub the smell of meat on the gladiators to provoke them.
I only saw the ruins, but I remember the weight in the atmosphere, that strange, electric intensity—which is how the air feels right now. When we get to the lake house, pizza is already waiting on the doorstep. I lead Sean inside, but he barely glances at the décor. His eyes are on me.
I offer him the pizza, but he pushes the box away. “Pizza can wait.”
When he leans in, I close my eyes and welcome his lips. It feels, as always, like a first kiss. Like no one else mattered before him. There’s a hint of urgency and resolution behind his usually calm demeanor. We make out until the pizza gets colds, and it doesn’t stop there. Not that I want it to. Sean sets off an array of firecrackers everywhere he touches. His lips fall on me like leaving a bookmark in a page he wants to keep visiting.
“Are you sure?” he asks, pulling away just enough to meet my eyes, respecting the moment. His pupils are wide, like he’s waking from a dream.
“Yes. I want this.” My voice is steady as I give a firm nod. “Areyousure? Or would you rather pause and solve some last-minute physics problems first?”
“No, thank you. Not this time.” He chuckles, low and breathless, and kisses me again.
I’ve never felt closer to anyone in my life. The space between us barely exists. Not just physically, but in the way he looks at me, like he sees all of me. It’s intimacy in its purest form. We don’t break eye contact, and he never stops kissing me.
And it’sperfect. A completely different experience.
What can I say? Aside from the most crucial things—consent, protection, and safety—he’s a physics genius who knows all about force, speed, friction, collision, andangles. I have no complaints.
We finally microwave the cold pizza, though neither of us care about it anymore. We share a couple of bites, laughing over how it’s not nearly as good as when it was fresh, then we kiss the night away between snippets of conversation. I ramble breathlessly about everything I like about him. He tells me how much he’s missed me and wanted me. I don’t remember when I fall asleep.
* * *
