Page 12 of Unruly
I scoff at that. “That’s how they show it? In my time—” I stop myself. “Well, it wasn’t like that.”
“What do you mean?”
“Women were demure and it was socially unacceptable to show such emotion outwardly. If a man wanted to court a woman, he would go to her parents first to seek permission, and then after a formal introduction, the courting could begin.”
“It’s definitely not like that now.”
“I don’t suppose it would be. A woman can approach a man directly?”
“Sure. It happens all the time.”
“Interesting.”
“I appreciated it when I dated women. I always had a hard time approaching them myself, but now I know it’s because I was uncomfortable with my sexuality. Once I realized I was gay, dating got a lot easier.”
My brain stutters for a moment. “You… You’re…”
“Gay?” Borja stops walking and faces me. “Yeah. Is that a problem with you?”
I shake my head rapidly. “No, of course not. I have no judgments of people.”
“You sure about that? You had a reaction.”
“I did, yes, but not a negative one. I’m not accustomed to hearing such things spoken aloud.”
Borja studies my face, his expression shifting from tense to relaxed. “I guess if women couldn’t talk to men directly, queer people had to stay hidden.”
“Yes, that’s right. I wouldn’t have been able to tell you if any of my contemporaries were queer, as you put it. We suffered in silence.”
He tilts his head slightly. “Are you…?”
My chest tightens as heat floods my cheeks; a most unusual reaction. I rub the back of my neck, avoiding his eyes. “We should continue our mission.”
Borja rests his hand on my shoulder. “It’s okay, Farnsworth. You’re safe with me and this is a very accepting area. We could kiss right on this sidewalk and no one would bat an eye.”
My jaw drops at the sheer scandalousness of such an idea. “M-men kiss in public?”
“And women. Anyone can. I’ll admit that not every state and city is that accepting, but it is here. When I’m dating someone, I’ll hold their hand or kiss their cheek in public. It’s fine.”
“I can’t imagine.”
He smiles. “Maybe we’ll get lucky and see a nice queer couple today somewhere.” His hand slides from my shoulder to my arm. “I hope so. I’d love that for you.”
I nod, moving just a bit to remove his warm, comforting touch from my arm. I haven’t been touched in a very long time, and while it feels nice, it’s not something I should get used to.
Walking on, I focus on my feet, just putting one in front of the other until my composure returns. Externally, I hope I appear calm and professional, though my thoughts are a wild storm. I can’t imagine even saying the words, much less indulging in them. It’s been centuries since I’ve felt the warmth of a lover’s touch, and when I did it was soaked in shame. My weakest moment. How fortunate to be a modern gay man.
After walking for a few more minutes, we turn onto another street and stop at the corner while vehicles of various sizes and colors speed past us. Horns honk, people yell, music plays. The delicious smell of food wafts around us, interrupted only by another wave of freshly brewed coffee. The air is crisp and cool, a pleasant departure from the stifling stillness of the Revival House.
“I think that’s it across the street.” Borja points with one hand and presses a button on a metal pole with the other.
“Yes, that’s the name of it.”
“How do we know what we’re looking for?”
“I’ll know once we get inside.”
He nods, grinning at me. “Do you have, like, magic powers or something?”
