Page 66 of Beautifully Ruined
“Slow down, Jack.”
His eyes narrow. “I’ll do what I fucking want, Cade. Just like you do. You asked what I want? I want you to not fuck my girlfriend.”
“Ex-girlfriend, Jack. One you barely paid attention to. One you cheated on.”
He nods, furious little jerky movements. “Yeah, and how long have you two being doing this behind my back?”
“No one did anything behind your back, Jack.” I take a small sip as Jack starts to pace. “You were living here?—”
He shoves a finger at me through the air. “Until you kicked me out.”
I sigh. “You told me you were leaving, I told you fine.”
“Yeah, so you could fuck Vi.” He swallows another third of his whiskey. “Not very brotherly.”
“Jack.”
“You fucked this up. Now Vi’s not going to come back to me.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “You fucked things up, and not just with the cheating. You took Violet for granted, and you paid your computer games more attention than her. I didn’t set out to fuck anything up. I also didn’t go to Vegas and fuck someone, so there’s that.”
The sourness of his look is enough to make my entire body pucker. “So, what? You were waiting to swoop in?”
“Not at all.” But the heat of guilt creeps up.
Maybe I didn’t consciously wait to swoop in, but he’s got a point. I moved fast.
Sure, her email to The Ghost was hot, and all her desires and fantasies and sexual tastes match mine and not his. But I think there’s some truth to his words.
And it makes guilt and shame rise up.
Even as I push it down.
“You’ve been quietly working her, whispering to her I’m not good enough. And the fact that you didn’t try and point out to her I’m worth it, and instead you backed her in her assumptions about me and then fucked her says it all.”
“That is not what happened. Did this thing with us happen quickly? Yes. Unexpectedly, yes. But as much as you’re my brother, I can’t stand by and ever watch you cheat on someone. I don’t think you’re a natural cheating piece of shit?—”
“Thanks.”
“But I think maybe you weren’t happy either. She was just there, and you took her for granted. You made the decision to sabotage what you had by taking off to Vegas, and then fucking someone else. That’s all on you.”
He sets his eyes on me. They’re angry, hurt, and lost. “You could have talked to her.”
“I love you, Jack, but I’m never talking a girl into being with someone unworthy.”
“You think I’m unworthy…”
“When you act like that, yes.” I set my drink down and spread my hands. “But I think you squander your potential. I think you should work on you, find the right person, and be worthy.”
He sneers. “Why? So you can take her, too?”
“Fuck, Jack. This thing with Vi happened after you and her broke up. And I’ll tell you something for free. If she wanted to be with you, she’d have fought for it. She didn’t, because you dropped the ball.” I pause. “Do you love her?”
“She was mine, not yours.”
And that’s all the answer I need.
“Was, not is.”
