Page 100 of Husband of the Year
“Good. You can use all the protein you can get. It’s good brain food. Anyway, Sheldon mentioned you have some work to do. Guestlists. Invitations. Seating plans. If you need any help, you tell me. I’m emailing you a few of my friends who’d like to come. This way I’ll know some people. Marta and I can go dress shopping together—I have a few dresses in my closet, but I definitely need something new. You don’t want the mother of the bride wearing a shmata.”
Deep breath.
“Mom, I’m not the bride.”
“Olan’s the bride?”
“There is no bride. We’re both the grooms. Remember?”
“Right, right. I’m sorry, sweetie. Well, the mother of the groom. Either way, you want me to look nice, right?”
“Yes, of course. My stop is coming up.” A beacon of hope, the bus approaches the school stop. “I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too, honey.”
“What now?” Jill asks.
Like a penny thrown into a wishing well, I sink into the tiny kindergarten-sized chair, wishing the hard surface under my ass was my bed.
“It’s just a lot.” I lean forward, letting my bag slide off my shoulder until it lands on the tile floor with a thud.
“Marvin, you went from having a seven-year-old—who let’s be real, is a dream—five days a week and every other weekend to having a baby twenty-four seven. Having children means mourning the life you’re losing, while also falling in love with the new life taking root. It took Nick and me months to get a night’s sleep in bed together, let alone more than sleep.” She wiggles her eyebrows. “There’s going to be an adjustment period.”
“No, it’s not that. We’re fine there.”
“Of course you are.” She rolls her eyes. “Men. You’re never too tired for it.”
I shrug. “Fact.” She shakes her head and joins me at the table. “I mean, that’s part of it,” I say. “But honestly, so far, everyone’s adjusting well.” I take the last sip of my coffee and regret not getting a refill before boarding the bus. “It’s the wedding. The planning.”
“Sheldon.”
“How did you know?”
“He emailed me on Friday.” She holds her phone up as evidence. “And asked me to join them at your house. I declined. No offense. We took Maria on a hike up at Bradbury Mountain.”
“None taken. A beautiful hike over wedding planning—I would’ve done the same.”
“It was lovely. It’s still cool enough the bugs aren’t bad.”
“Wait, how does Sheldon have your email?”
“Marvin, the district website lists every school, every teacher, every contact.”
“Oh, right.”
“He was quite adamant I come. ‘Best woman duties’ and all that jazz. I assured him you four could handle it without me.”
“Oy. I’m sorry.” I pull my lips in and shake my head. “I didn’t mean for you to get roped into this mishigas.”
“Don’t apologize. Some people get carried away with weddings. It’s a whole thing. There are entire shows dedicated to Bridezillas.”
“Well, Sheldon, no doubt egged on by my mother, might be cranked up to eleven about the wedding, but it’s Olan I’m worried about.”
Jill’s eyebrows dart up and she makes her oh-no-what-the-fuck-now face.
“You think he’s having second thoughts?” She glances at the top of my head. “It’s the hair. I knew it. I told you it was a mistake to chop off your curls. They were your catnip.”
“Thanks.” I run my hand through my hair. Slowly, the curls are returning, but it could take months for me to regain the pre-cut level of Jewfro perfection.
