Page 59 of Husband of the Year
“So you can peg them?”
“Exactly.”
Jill lets out an enormous sigh, stands, and returns to writing her morning message on the whiteboard easel near the front of the classroom.
“Olan emailed me. Again.”
“Mr. Romantic.” She turns back toward me, her entire face shifting. I’m fairly certain she has a major crush on Olan. She’s a sucker for beautiful men. “I’m loving this whole letter writing fantasy you’re having. VeryShakespeare in Love.”
“Fuck, Joseph Fiennes was sexy in that movie.”
“I almost slid off my couch when I saw it for the first time in college.”
We both stare into space, picturing the dreamy face of Mr. Fiennes as Mr. Shakespeare. That pretty-boy beard and mustache stirred something in me, even at seven. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling, but something about him, that facial hair, that face, I knew at a minimum I needed to read everything Shakespeare wrote.
“But yeah. He’s spending a lot of time with his family during the day and by the time he’s home and ready to chat, I’m in bed. So, he’s emailing me in the middle of the night. It’s kind of amazing to wake up to. Almost beats that first cup of coffee. Almost.”
“How are things? With his family?” She signs her name at the bottom of the message.
“I think his brother is having a harder time with rehab than Olan had hoped.”
“I’m no expert on recovery, but if Sandra Bullock in28 Dayshas taught me anything, rehab isn’t all bad. Your hair still looks fantastic, and most importantly, you get to have sex with Viggo Mortensen. Also, the world was sleeping on Viggo way before he made everyone horny inLord of the Rings.”
“Return of the Schwing.” I gesture to my pelvis as I give a little thrust.
“There’s my Marvin,” Jill says, patting my shoulder.
“Well, between missing Olan and talking about Shakespeare and King Aragorn, my engine is revving.” I stand to prepare for departure. “And I have a full day of teaching kindergarten ahead of me so…” My eyes briefly flicker downward, toward my crotch. “Settle down.”
“Joe and Viggo. I’d watch that movie,” Jill says.
“With popcorn and Junior Mints.” I smile and head for the door to prepare my classroom for the day.
“Friends, I want you to think about the story.” I hold the bright orange hardcover up. A picture of a pensive purple dog is splashed across the cover. “George had a lot of trouble in the first part of the book. So many things went wrong for him when his human left him home alone. Who can tell me some mistakes he made?”
“He chased the poor cat!” Alex shouts.
“He ate the entire cake on the counter,” Andrew adds.
“Who leaves an entire cake out when you leave?” Amanda’s pigtails sway as she shakes her head.
“Who eats an entire cake?” Andrew asks and the A-Team are on fire this morning.
“George!” the entire class calls.
“He dug the dirt in the plant pot,” Eddie says.
“He was kind of a bad boy.” Danny dips his head, possibly from relating a little too much to George.
“Not kind of. He was a very bad boy,” Katherine says.
“But then he felt really awful about it,” Amanda says.
“Right, he sure did. But what did he do? To make it better?” I’veturned to the page in the book where George is on a walk in the park with his owner.
“He did better!” Marley yells and my chest puffs. They’re almost there.
“How did he do better?” I ask.
