Page 55 of Bleed the Shadows
“I know what kind of word it is, Maeve. I used it for a reason.”
I considered my answer carefully, because Bailey and I didn’t lie to each other, and because I wasn’t sure I knew enough about my feelings for Poe and Remy — and definitely not the minefield of my feelings for Bram — to even answer the question.
“I don’t know,” I finally said. “I’m not sure I can explain. It’s… complicated.”
“Try,” Bailey said. “I can do complicated.”
I thought about the Butchers. About Poe’s tender care and Remy’s lighthearted goofiness. About the way they looked out for me even when I thought I didn’t want them to, the way they protected me even when I thought I didn’t need it.
Then I thought about Bram, his feelings locked in a vault, the key at the bottom of an ocean too deep to swim without drowning. He’d been the one to take off into the dark after the Ghosts, his black eyes lit with a vengeance I understood because it was vengeance born out of pain too deep for words.
He counted on the fact that no one saw him.
But I did.
I did.
When I’d been chained to the wall in the tunnels, they were the ones I’d thought about.
The ones I’d hoped would come. The ones I’dknownwould come.
But I didn’t know how to say all of that to Bailey without scaring the shit out of her.
“They look out for me,” I said instead.
“Do they?” she asked. “Or are they using you the way you’re using them?”
I shook my head. “It’s not like that.”
I wasn’t sure I’d known it until I said the words. Yes, I needed their help, wanted what they had to offer me to avenge June. And it was pretty clear they wanted something from me too. But when I thought about the heated sex I had with Poe and Remy, the raw lust that flowed between Bram and me, I didn’t feel used.
I felt seen too. I felt alive.
“Are you really coming back?” Bailey asked.
I knew she wasn’t just talking about the apartment.
“I don’t know,” I said, because Bailey and I didn’t lie to each other. “But whatever happens, I love you, B. You’re my best friend, my sister, and that will never change.”
She swallowed, and I knew from the way her face got red that she was trying not to cry, because when you knew someone as long as Bailey and I had known each other you knew what they looked like when they were about to cry.
“Promise?” she asked.
I reached for her hand. “I promise.”
She took a deep breath. “Can I meet them at least?”
I laughed a little. It was hard to imagine inviting Bailey to the loft, introducing her to the Butchers, having a dinner party.
But for Bailey, I’d figure something out.
“I’ll see what I can do."
35
MAEVE
A couple dayslater I stopped in to see my parents after work. They didn’t ask about my current living situation and I didn’t offer up any details. Maybe it was a lie of omission — I’d told them I’d gone back to the apartment I shared with Bailey and they probably assumed I was still there — but after my conversation with Bailey I just didn’t have the energy for another big convo on the subject.
