Page 110 of In Doubt
“Then stop beating yourself up about it.”
She tilts the ice cream tub my way and I take another spoonful.
“So what happened?” she asks. “I mean something happened while you were in heat, didn’t it? You said you had a panic attack. Has that ever happened when you’ve gone into heat before?”
I shake my head. “Never, but …” I look at Sia.
She nudges my glass towards me. “Drink up, then spit it out.”
I do as she says, this time finding the vodka more warming than choking.
“So …”
“So …” she repeats.
“Jake Grantham …”
“The dude you bitch about day and night. The one you’re competing against for top of the class. The one you pleaded with to see you through your heat.”
“Yes, that one,” I mumble.
Sia considers me for a minute.
“Giorgie,” she says gently. “Did he force you? Coerce you in any way? Because that is not OK, heat or no heat.”
“No, no. It wasn’t like that. I wanted to spend my heat with him.” I feel my cheeks warming with the memory of that kiss, with how badly I’d wanted him to rut me. It had been more than hormones and pheromones. Even those wouldn’t compel me to sleep with someone I truly hate.
“You did. It was some kind of turnaround,” she says, stroking my arm.
“Yeah, I guess so, but something changed out here and, well …”
“You wanted to fuck him.”
I poke her in the gut. “Yes,” I grin for the first time in days. Sia was right. Talking about this stuff, being able to laugh about it is like a tonic to my battered soul. I already feel that weight easing.
“So what went wrong? How did he fuck up?”
“Jake didn’t fuck up.” I swallow. “I think I did.” She waits for me to go on. “I … I didn’t just sleep with Jake.”
Sia chokes on her vodka and the ice cream spoon falls from her fingers onto the bed, ice cream splattering the sheets.
“Are you saying … did you sleep with his pack?”
My cheeks burn so hotly, I’m sure she must feel the heat. “Yes, Connie’s talked about it so much and I was curious, so I told him I wanted them to, you know …” I roll my hand to indicate what I mean.
“No, I don’t know,” Sia snorts. “Cook you dinner, read you bedtime stories, massage your feet, or rut you senseless as a pack?”
“Sia!” I squeak.
“But you were curious …”
“Yes,” I say, chewing my lip. “But,” I sigh, “I don’t think I’m cut out to be a pack omega. Not that that’s what I was angling for here,” I add quickly. “It was only sex.”
“No problem with that,” Sia says, poking me back. “Sex is the best.” I smile at her weakly. “Oh, I’m guessing the sex wasn’t the best.”
“No, actually it was …”
“Yes?”
