Page 57 of Twisted Ties
Afterwards, I stumble to my room, spilling my guts in the toilet bowl, my limbs shaking, my skin damp with cool sweat.
I force another pill down my throat. I stare at my stomach. I try to reason with my mind. Try to hush the turmoil building and building inside me.
My heart beats faster, louder, thumping against the confines of my skull. Loud like a war beat, like a warning of what’s to come.
It’s all useless. All fucking useless.
Why the hell did she come back?
I shouldn’t have kissed her. Shouldn’t have tasted her mouth. It’s made everything worse. A million times worse. And I’m barely containing it all.
What the fuck was I thinking?
I don’t even remember. I don’t even recall the distance closing between us. Just my mouth on hers, her breath tangled with mine, my hand clasped around her throat.
It’s haunting me. Obsessively. Making my gut spin.
I’d hoped with her gone, it would diminish. That slowly it would all fade. That I’d regain my fucking control on this.
But now she’s back and it’s worse than ever.
It’s her scent. Her scent is different. And that smell – fuck, that smell – has everything inside me raging.
Because there’s a masculine hint to her scent now. Something that doesn’t belong to her.
She hinted at a boyfriend. But it’s more than that. A lot more than that.
Fire and rage and flames burn.
I can’t … I can’t handle this.
It’s been too long and I can no longer control this. Can no longer hold back what lurks within.
I’m going to unleash it. I don’t care about the rules of this college. Or the restrictions the authorities have placed on magicals like me. I don’t care about any of the consequences.
The pills aren’t working and my ability to fight this weakens day by day, hour by hour, fucking minute by minute.
If I don’t stop fighting it, it will rip me apart.
As soon as darkness envelops the grounds, I’m out the door, wearing just an old pair of sweatpants and my sneakers, sprinting as hard as I can. The sweat soon pours down my brow and into my eyes. My arms and my legs burn. Mylungs scream. I don’t stop. I’m already losing it. Losing the control. The darkness inside me far blacker than the darkness of this night. And I haven’t even reached the cover of the trees.
My path takes me right past her dorm, her scent hovering in the air like a goddamn tease, her shadow floating past her window.
I want to crash straight through the wall and taste every inch of her, hunt for the source of that goddamn scent.
It’s too dangerous.
I’m losing it. Losing the control.
I need to get away.
I push on, towards the looming trees.
As I run, my bones crunch, my skin stretches. I force myself deeper into the forest, swerving left and right, then falling to my knees as the pain overcomes me.
My body is no longer my own.
Pain streaks through me, my vision flashes white. I dig my fingernails deep into the dirt, bite down hard on my tongue, force myself not to scream.
