Page 39 of Shattered Stars
She hesitates as if she is going to tell me something, then changes her mind. I wish I was Stone, with his ability to read thoughts. I want to know what she’s thinking. Ialwayswant to know what she’s thinking. Even when she’s sleeping. I want to see right inside her mind and understand every damn thing about her.
But right now, I want to see with so much desperation I can hardly contain myself.
Because she must feel it. There is no way it’s so powerful in my gut and she doesn’t feel it in return.
I don’t need a stupid blood test to know what it is, to know that it’s real. There’s no doubt in my mind.
The pig girl is my fated mate.
“I don’t know what you think is going on here – I don’t know what delusions you’re under–”
“I’m not deluded. You know that I’m not. And you also know that you can’t resist this pull between us any more than I can. You saw with your own eyes how much our magic wants to combine together, wantsuscombined.”
“Resist?” she says, spitting the word through her teeth and rocking up onto her knees so she’s kneeling right in front of me. “Let’s say I humor you here for a moment, Tristan. Let’s say fate is pulling us together.” Her hands drop automatically to hover over her soft belly, to the point mirrored in my own where I can feel that drag towards her. Always there. Always. So violent it’s inescapable. “Then resisting it’s exactly what you’ve been doing. Resisting every possible attempt to embrace it. You’ve thwarted fate at every opportunity. And …” her voice falters for a moment before she regains her composure, “you’ve treated me like shit. Worse than shit. Like something not worthy to stick to the bottom of your shoe. And now, just like that,” she clicks her fingers, magic exploding above our heads, “you’ve changed your mind and just expect me to welcome you with open fucking arms.”
“You were welcoming me pretty damn enthusiastically right there on the ground less than five minutes ago,” I say pointing to the ground.
“I hate you, Tristan Kennedy. I hate you more than the men who beat my aunt unconscious, more than the men who tortured us, more than the man who tried to kill me, more than the soldiers who nearly killed Winnie. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you,” she screams, frustrated tears in her eyes. “I hate you so fucking much!”
She jumps to her feet and I lunge for her but before I can stop her, she’s running away, back up the hill and between the trees,her magic streaking through the air behind her. Chaotic, wild, untrained. Just like her.
My hands start to tremble and soon my whole body is shaking, my bones knocking together like wind chimes.
I stare down at the space she just vacated. At the flattened grass our bodies made together.
I think I could have handled that better.
A lot, lot better.
I don’t bother returningto Dr. Johnson’s class. What’s the point? I’ll only be hassled by Summer and her posse and their never-ending questions.
I can’t stand that noise, their continual jabbering voices. I need peace and quiet. Away from everyone.
I lock myself in my room, pulling down the blind and lying out flat on the floor.
This is new, different.
I’ve never been rejected before. Never been told no. Not by my peers anyway, not by anyone in the academy.
I could have taken what I wanted anyway. She’s strong but not as strong as me – both magically and physically – and besides the magic she does possess is untrained. Although she’s been studying, practicing, she has a long way to go before she can wield it like me.
But I’m not my father. No matter how much he’s tried to craft me in his image. No matter how many times I’ve tried to harden my heart like his, I can’t.
“You want to be loved, boy.” That’s what he’d hissed at me. “It will be your downfall.”
Is he right?
I rest one hand over my heart, one over my belly. My muscles ache, my body’s still shaking, like the flu, my forehead damp with cool sweat.
God damn, it hurts. Stings deep, deep inside me as if she took the sharpest knife and plunged it right between my ribs.
Is this what it’s like to be rejected? Tossed aside? Cast away? Is this what it feels like to be her?
I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know how to do this. But I have to find a way.
I let my mind wander, let my body dissolve away and disappear into the carpet where no one can find me, where no one can hurt me.
It isn’t until an hour later that my phone beeps. First one beep, then two, then a string of notifications making my phone light up and skid across the floor.
