Page 52 of Shattered Stars
His whole demeanor is defeated and somehow he looks smaller and less intimidating than he usually does. Like someone in desperate need of a hug.
Well, he has an entire troop of cheerleaders for that!
“You’ve improved slightly, Blackwaters, but you’ve still got a long way to go. And you do have a propensity to land yourself in trouble.”
He drops his gaze down to his hands. He scratches at his knuckles.
“Why are you leaving, Spencer?” I ask him, unable to help myself. Is it because of me? He hates me. He’s made that clear from the start – even if some of his actions have been confusing. The majority have been hateful and cruel. Has he had enough? Can he no longer stand to be anywhere near me?
I look at him. Will he even tell me the truth?
He takes a deep inhale, his shoulders shuddering. “It’s time.”
“Time for what?”
“I’ve achieved everything I wanted to achieve here. I want to go somewhere I can be of use.”
I tilt my head to the side and examine him. When I first met him, he seemed like such a brainless, arrogant jock to me. Not someone with a desire to truly serve his country, to help his people. Have I had him all wrong? Or is he lying to me? Why leave? Everyone worships the ground he steps on here at the academy – didn’t the entire academy risk their necks to see him fight last night? I doubt he’ll receive the same adulation inthe protection forces no matter how good a fighter he is. I doubt that’s how things work out there at the front.
“The whole school is going to miss you,” I say.
He manages a limp smile. “Will you?”
I scoff. “About as much as you’ll miss me,” I tell him and his eyes lift to mine. The intensity of them has my bond spinning even faster and an awareness of something nudging at my consciousness. “Well,” I say, rising back onto my feet, “I’m sure you have more important things to do this morning than teach me.” I hesitate. “I just wanted … I just wanted to say goodbye.”
Why? Why did I want to see him one more time? To convince myself I don’t feel what I feel? To convince myself I’ve filled my head with fairytales and foolish ideas? To convince myself I can watch him go and not feel a thing at all?
Because if that was my plan, I’ve failed completely. I feel it more than ever. Is that the reason he’s going? The real reason. To be as far away from me as he can?
Good.
He’s not my friend. Despite saving my ass last night, he’s shown me over and over again just how much he despises me, and despite the stupid feeling in my stomach, the feeling is mutual.
Spencer lumbers up to his feet as well, towering above me like he always does.
“Be careful,” he tells me.
“If you’re going to warn me about Summer–”
“I’m serious. Don’t take chances. Renzo Barone–”
“You’re the one who needs to be careful,” I cry out, my bond churning inside me like crazy. “You’re the one going to the front.” I can’t think about it. I can’t think about him there, risking his life. It’s too ... it’s too …
He opens his mouth and closes it again. Clearly as taken aback by my outburst as I am.
“How about we make a promise to each other?” he whispers and I frown. “To both look after ourselves.” He holds out his hand to me.
I frown harder. “If I shake this, will you throw me over your shoulder?”
He chuckles. It’s genuine. I’ve never made him chuckle like that and my bond spins even more. “It would be tempting.”
I hesitate, then look back up into his face, reaching out to take his hand. Electricity crackles against our palms, racing around our fingers and our wrists as our palms connect. But he ignores it and so do I. He’s always been as stubborn as I am.
We stand, our hands linked, gazing into one another’s eyes, knowing this is the end. The last time.
Maybe fate wants us together. But Spencer has chosen a different path and that is absolutely fine by me.
18
