Page 23 of If I Could Say Goodbye
‘Shuffle your bum towards me, Oscar, that’s right.’
‘I’m scared,’ he shouts back, looking down at us.
‘There’s no need to be scared,’ she laughs. ‘Look, I’m right here. Mummy won’t let anything happen to you.’ Oscar begins to move, his body getting closer until his arms are clutched around her neck like a monkey. Jen climbs down like that until she can manoeuvre him onto a lower branch, his thin legs finding their footing until he is safely on the ground.
Jen is sitting on a low branch, her legs dangling down either side, her hair swinging forward as she claps.
It all happens so quickly: the crack, her claps stopping, her body, the branch plummeting, my movement. All of it must have lasted only a few seconds but somehow, I managed to catch her, she is in my arms, her head thrown back in laughter, my knees collapsing beneath the impact and her weight being held by my arms.
‘Edward Jones! You are my hero!’ She laughs.
The breath is knocked from my lungs and sweat is running down my back.
‘Did you see that?!’ Oscar is pulling at Hailey’s hand. ‘Daddy is like Superman!’
Oscar and Jen are euphoric. But, in Hailey’s eyes, above the smile that she is wearing, I see the worry I felt at the beginning of the day reflected back at me.
We need to talk.
Chapter Fifteen
Jennifer
I wish all Saturdays could be like this. I love the smell of cut grass, the hum of bees, the—
‘Jen? Are you listening to me? You need to tell me what’s going on.’
I roll onto my front and reach for the glass of Diet Coke next to the rug. I smile as I lift it because there is a ring of daisies around the base . . . it looks like an Instagram post.
‘Ed, you’re like a dog with a bone. Nothing is going on. Can we not just enjoy the peace and quiet? How often do we just get to relax in the garden without Hailey asking to play a game or Oscar asking for food?’
The ice clatters against the side of the glass as I take a few sips; I feel the cool liquid descending inside my body towards my stomach. I replace the glass neatly into the circle of daisies and roll onto my back. ‘This is why I asked Mum to have the kids . . . so we can talk.’
‘About what? You’ve said your piece about me taking the kids out without telling you, I’ve apologised for that even though I don’t think it’s that big a deal.’
I pull down my sunglasses from my head and close my eyes.
‘The Nash twins’ parents are always taking their kids out of school. The only difference is that I was honest and didn’t lie and tell them the kids were sick. Next time I’ll lie, OK?’
‘It’s not just that.’ He leans up on his elbow and lifts up my sunglasses; his eyes are searching mine, a crease of worry pulling his eyebrows together. ‘Talk to me, Jen.’
Kerry is sitting up on the corner of the rug by my feet; she is pulling down the straps on her top and rubbing sun cream in. I manoeuvre my foot so that it connects with her shin.
I don’t feel anything because she isn’t there.
‘I don’t know what you want me to say,’ I reply to Ed, pulling my sunglasses back onto my nose. ‘I miss her, that’s all,’ I say.
‘I know you do. I miss her too. But—’
I kiss his lips and pull him towards me.
‘Jen—’ he murmurs as I push myself against him. ‘Jen!’ He untangles himself and moves his body back, running his fingers through his hair agitatedly.
I sit up. ‘What?!’
‘You can’t keep doing this.’
‘Doing what? Kiss my husband? Find him attractive?’
