Page 111 of If I Could Say Goodbye
‘But you’re still here,’ he whispers. ‘We’ve still got you.’
‘You’re welcome!’Kerry kisses Ed on the cheek.
I pull away, unwrap a purple-wrapped chocolate and pop it into his mouth.
‘Daddy! The batteries won’t fit!’
‘Coming!’ he replies, giving me a chocolatey kiss and returning to the lounge.
‘You can do it, Jen.’ Kerry picks up the calendar and smiles. ‘It’s only time . . . it can’t hurt you.’
But I know that it can, it’s hurt me before, the seconds, the minutes, the hours without you.
‘You can do it. Fill that time with them.’ She nods to where laughter is coming from the lounge as the race-car track that Ed insisted the kids would love whirrs into action.
What if I can’t?
‘You have to.’
My reindeer slippers follow Ed back into the lounge, their antlers nodding with every step as my lips form a smile.
She’s right: I have to. Because the alternative will be even harder.
Chapter Seventy-Eight
Ed
‘Just give me a hint . . . Where are we going?’ Jen asks.
‘That will ruin the surprise,’ I say. OK, cards on the table, I’m not a romance kind of guy. I mean I’m not completely crap, like I always get roses for her on Valentine’s Day, but I felt like after the year we’ve had that I should step up a bit for our anniversary, you know?
I indicate and pull onto the hotel carpark. We’ve got the night to ourselves; the kids are at Brian and Judith’s.
‘Ooh, posh!’ The hotel is a castle, an actual castle. I’m not one to brag but as far as weekends away go, I think I’ve nailed this one.
‘Don’t worry about the cost,’ I intervene. ‘I got a Groupon deal.’
She laughs. ‘Oh, Ed, ever the romantic.’
‘What? You can be romantic and thrifty. Romance isn’t about how much money you spend.’
‘True. Remember when you gave me your coat when I fell in the sea?’
‘I was being gallant, not romantic.’
‘Aren’t they the same thing?’
‘I don’t know. But my balls have never been the same after that weekend . . . they were the size of raisins when we got back to the chalet.’
‘It was your fault, you suggested we jump over the waves in November.’
‘I was trying to impress you by being spontaneous.’
‘Well it worked. I think I fell in love with you a little bit more every time your lips turned a deeper shade of blue.’
‘I have a sneaking suspicion you’re going to love me even more after what I have in store,’ I say, winking.
‘Ooh, sex swing?’
