Page 86 of If I Could Say Goodbye
She yawns, her eyes unfocused. ‘A what?’ she asks.
‘Never mind, I’ll tell you Wednesday.’
‘Wednesday?’
‘The doctor’s.’
‘Oh yeah. I’ve got to go,’ she yawns. ‘Love you.’
‘Love you too.’
Her hand reaches for the screen and she swipes away my face.
I’m being snippy with the kids and I hate it. I used to love coming home to them, hearing about their day and winding them up before bed. I wish I could feel that way again, that they would look at me when I walk through the door like they used to. Instead, they just look at me the same way as when they see an episode ofGo Jettersthat’s been on ten times that week already.
‘Can I be excused?’ Hailey asks with a bored tone.
‘Not until you’ve finished your homework. There are four more questions.’
‘Mummy never made me do homework at dinnertime. She let me do it when I came in from school.’
‘Well, when Mummy was here, you were home earlier because you didn’t go to after-school club.’
‘I hate after-school club,’ Oscar sulks. ‘I have to do the afternoon walk and that means three times around the playground. It hurts my throat.’
‘That’s because you’re fat,’ Hailey snaps at him, pulling her book towards her.
‘That’s enough!’ I shout, and both children flinch. I’ve never really been a shouter but lately, I can’t seem to stop myself. ‘Say sorry to your brother.’
Oscar is breathing quickly and his lip is quivering.
Hailey scowls and folds her arms. ‘No. I was only telling the truth. He is fat, Daddy, everyone says so.’
My voice is dangerously low as I respond. ‘You say sorry to your brother right now or—’
‘What? You’ll ground me? Stop me from seeing my friends, tell my MUM?!’ Hailey has tears in her eyes as she stands and pushes her plate away. It slides off the table and crashes onto the floor, peas escaping across the grouting around the floor tiles. Her footsteps reverberate through the staircase as she slams her bedroom door.
‘Take no notice of your sister,’ I say, putting my arms around Oscar’s shoulder and pulling him towards me. ‘You’re just big-boned. It means you’ll be strong when you grow up.’
‘She wasn’t telling the troof, Daddy, they call me chubster and Mr Newton told me that just means that I’m bubbly and happy. Can I have my pudding now? I ate all my fish fingers even though they are yucky and slimy and grey.’
‘Of course, buddy.’ I head over to the fruit bowl. ‘There’s a banana?’ I hold it aloft.
Oscar shakes his head. ‘It’s got brown bits all over the outside.’
‘How about a pear?’
He shakes his head again. ‘Pears feel like sand in your mouth, they’re all stony.’
‘Apple?’ I turn the apple in question and see that a grub has already made a meal out of it. ‘Forget that one.’
‘Can I have a chocolate bar?’
I think of the kids teasing him. ‘No, buddy. Yoghurt?’
‘Does it have bits in?’
‘Bits?’
