Page 99 of The Truth About You and Me
I feel like I’m free falling. ‘Maggie, I…’
‘Take me home, Jack.’
44
MAGGIE
Jack turns off the engine.
The rain is falling now. I picture the guests at Chadders, jackets and paper plates held over their heads as they rush inside to the warmth of the home.
He doesn’t speak at first.
Mist is beginning to cling to the windows.
He had tried so hard to keep his feelings and thoughts away from me, but the truth shouting inside his mind was too loud to ignore.
I felt his desperation as he tried to block it out, but I could hear and feel his doubts, his fears, his love and his determination to make it work. He tried to push down that voice that was telling him what he could lose. All of it. Because he loves me.
Because the thing is, Jack would give it all up. The way he feels about me isrealbut he’s scared of that. He’s scared of what a life with me will look like, and he’s scared of the future, but he’s also determined. Determined to live a life with me. To throw away all his dreams. But I can’t, and Iwon’t, let him give up everything that he loves and needs, for a life hiding away with me.
‘Can I come in?’ he asks.
I turn to him. ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea.’
‘Maggie’ – he looks back, hand clutching at the front of his hair – ‘we need to talk about this. It doesn’t matter that it was you that night. God, I’mgladit was you because you’re safe.’
‘Even so, this… thiscurse, already messed up your life. And I know you don’t blame me, but it doesn’t change the truth. And whether you want to acknowledge it or not, you know how difficult a life with me will be.’
‘We’ll find a way. I shouldn’t have tried to hide that I was worried about how difficult it might be. From now on, Ipromise, I will always be honest with you. I’ll tell you everything that is on my mind. I should have realised— Truth. That’s the only way we can do this. I’ll tell you the truth, as soon as I think it.’
I don’t answer straight away, just wipe away a tear. ‘Thank you, but youcan’tpromise me that. There will always be things you don’t want to tell me. And that’s how it should be.’
‘I’ll figure out a way to make it work.’
‘I know how much you want to carry on seeing me, but I already know too much. You still want the life you had planned. All of it. The wedding… a family, the chain of bookshops with your name above it. But this, us… me… I can’t be a part of that life in the way you would need me to be.’
‘None if that matters if I don’t have you.’
‘You wantchildren, Jack.’
His expression falters.
‘And I can’t… that will never be on the cards for me.’
‘We’re rushing ahead. I don’t even know if I want kids, yet.’
‘But you did… with Vicky?’
‘I guess we’d talked about it but?—’
‘I will always be in the way of everything that matters to you. And I’ve taken so much from you already. Loving me? It will only cause you pain.’
‘There is always a solution.’
‘No.’ The word is barely a whisper.
‘Just, let’s slow things down, take it one step at a time.’
