Page 19 of Rehabbing the Beast
Chapter Eleven
Seth paced the smallguest room until his legs ached, then paced some more. Sleep was impossible. He replayed the events of the last week in his mind, analyzing everything he’d learned over and over again. He tried looking at it from every possible angle, rationalizing and theorizing until he couldn’t see straight from it.
What the hell had he been thinking, coming to Erehwon? Itwastrue that he wanted to see for himself that Quinn was okay. After all, she’d gotten hurt trying to protect him, which still baffled the hell out of him. Why had she done that? Wouldn’t she have rather seen Dave beat the shit out of him? God knew, he’d deserved it. He’d practically been begging for it since he first realized that Quinn was an angel—pure and perfect and completely beyond his reach.
God, he wanted her so badly and had, from that very first time he’d seen her. He’d opened his eyes and there she was, smiling at him as if he was apersoninstead of a raging beast. She had changed his entire world that day, became a constant reminder of what he could never have: a normal life.
It hadn’t stopped there. Quinn had taunted him, day in and day out. With her big heart and those soft gray eyes and the hands that regenerated every fucking nerve in his entire body until there was not a cell that didn’t burn for her.
He’d tried to push her away, he really had. He’d said horrible, vicious things. Called her unthinkable names and constantly beat down her self-confidence, hating himself more with every cruel taunt that passed his lips, lips that wanted nothing more than to worship her. And just when he’d thought he’d finally broken her spirit, she’d look at him with those big eyes, smile patiently, and come back for more.
From the time he was returned to his room until his next session, he’d feel awful. Beyond awful. But every time he saw her, treating him as if hewasn’ta complete sack of worthless shit, he’d do it all over again, because if she hated him even half as much as he hated himself, he could make sense of his world.
She didn’t hate him, though, or at least she hadn’t appeared to. No matter what he’d said or done, she’d always made him feel special. Like a man, not a cripple, not just another wounded warrior to cross her path. When he had abandoned all hope, she’d stood quietly behind him and pushed him ever forward, until he actually started to believe in miracles again.
Seth sat down on the bed and dropped his head in his hands. His recoveryhadbeen a miracle. Quinn just wasn’t a talented physical therapist, she was an honest to God, bona fide healer. If he’d thought she was too good for him before, now heknewbeyond a shadow of a doubt.
He never should have kissed her. From the second he saw that she was alive and doing well he should have turned around and gotten the fuck out of Dodge. But no. He’d had to give in to temptation. He had to taste those pretty pink lips just once, telling himself that once he did, he would leave, just turn around and go. That he would be able to put her behind him and move on.
Except ... now that he’d tasted her, he didn’t think he could survive without doing so again.
The beast within lifted his head and yowled.
He knew what he should do:leave. Leave and never look back. If he had any honor in him whatsoever, he would sacrifice his own happiness and leave her alone. Hell, there were plenty of fine men here who could make her happy. Men who weren’t scarred and broken both inside and out. Men who hadn’t said horrible, vile things and made her cry.
But none of them loved her like he did, with a soul deep ache that killed a little more of him each day he wasn’t with her.
Siobhan’s words echoed in his head, as unbelievable now as they had been when she’d spoken them. What did Quinn want, he wondered. If he left, would she be disappointed or relieved? Dare he even think for one moment that Quinn’s grandmother had been right in assuming that Quinn cared for him? That all this time, Quinn might have had feelings for him that went beyond the typical therapist-patient relationship?
It hit him then. Therealreason Quinn had always stayed by him, no matter what. Why she had never asked to be reassigned. Why she had never missed an appointment, even coming in on weekends when she wasn’t scheduled to take care of him.
His inner beast lay down and put his head between his paws. He was well and truly the biggest arse in the world.
