Page 20 of A Duke in Disguise
“I will,” she admitted. “I’ve spent so long caring for Nate, I don’t know how I’ll abide on my own.”
“Me neither,” Charlie said, not letting Verity go. “Maybe that’s why I’m going with him.”
Ash sensed that he was intruding, that he ought to leave them alone to say their farewells, to make whatever arrangements needed to be made. “I’m going to follow Nate,” Ash said, squeezing Verity’s arm on the way out the door.
Ash found Nate at the public house in the next street, sitting at a table in the corner. It was late and most of the tables were empty, chairs upturned on the tables, the barman already sweeping the floors. When Nate saw Ash approach he kicked a chair out for Ash to sit in. It was what he always did, half invitation and half presumption that Ash would sit with Nate as a matter of course. Ash had always been grateful for the casual, proprietary nature of Nate’s friendship. As vague and selfish as Nate could be, Ash never doubted that they were friends. Ash felt a pang at the thought that in two days Nate would be at sea, not to return for years.
“My sister has a pistol to my head,” Nate said before Ash had even sat. “I know when I’m being strong-armed, and I don’t like it.”
Ash wasn’t going to argue about tactics. “You and Verity are my family,” he said. If it were true for Charlie, it was true for Ash himself, and the words shouldn’t feel like a lie on his tongue. He had thought of the Plums as a family for years, now, but had never put voice to the thought. “You’re my family,” he repeated, “so I’m not going to let you be put in prison. And, Nate, I don’t think I can watch your sister suffer the way she has this past month.”
Nate’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh, it’s like that, is it?”
Ash opened his mouth to deny it or to feign ignorance, but there was nothing to gain from hiding the truth, and he didn’t feel ashamed of it anyway. He leaned back in his chair. “For me, it is,” he admitted. “And it has been for a while.”
Nate scowled at him. “So, if I don’t go, then she’s going to martyr herself by leaving you behind. Either I go, or I’ve ruined the happiness of the two people I care most about.”
Ash sucked in a breath. “Don’t—that’s not—I wouldn’t have told you if I thought you’d take it as forcing your hand.”
“You were already forcing my hand. Don’t think I missed that bit about how you’re footing the bill for this madness.”
“The two of you are my closest friends,” Ash said.
Nate regarded him for a long moment, and Ash wondered what the other man saw in his face. “Be careful with my sister, Ash.”
“I’m never anything other than careful with Verity.”
“I meant take care to protect yourself. I don’t know if Verity knows how to be careful with other people’s hearts.”
Ash frowned. “You’re cross with her, that’s understandable.”
“Things ended badly between her and that Allenby woman. She’s not warm, my sister.”
“I’ve seen things end badly between you and half a dozen people, but I’d never call you cold.”
“What I’m trying to say is that you aren’t like that. The whole time I’ve known you, you’ve never taken up with anyone.” Ash watched in grim mortification as Nate’s eyes widened in realization. “Because you’ve been holding out for Verity. That’s right, isn’t it?”
“I’m not going to deny that I’ve always held your sister in the highest regard—” He closed his eyes and winced. “Yes. You’re right. I’ve never wanted anyone but her.”
“Do you think my sister will marry you?” Nate asked skeptically.
“We both know she doesn’t want a husband.”
“Can’t blame her.” Nate frowned, and Ash knew he was thinking of his mother.
“But I—” Ash shook his head. The truth was that he would marry Verity in a heartbeat, had known so for years. But that wasn’t what she wanted, and at the moment Ash couldn’t envision what a compromise would look like. “Look. It’s very early days yet. I haven’t broached the topic and, ah, please don’t either.”
“When she’s through with you, where will that leave you? I’ll be in Boston—or is it New York?—wherever that ship leaves me, Roger will be in Italy, and Verity will keep you at arm’s length. Damn it, Ash. Now you have me feeling sorry for you rather than myself.” He waved over the barman for a pair of pints.
“I think you’re wrong,” Ash said. “I’m not going to ask your sister for anything she doesn’t want to give.” Still, Nate’s words sat uneasily with him. He had seen the strain it cost her to maintain her friendship with Mrs. Allenby and did not want to ask her to do the same for him. Thus far, he could dismiss everything that happened as the result of wine and anxiety. A one off, a bit of silly fumbling about. It wasn’t too late to go back. Ash knew how he felt about her, but Verity did not. They could revert to being friends.
Nate regarded him flatly. “For your sake, I hope you’re right, mate.”
It shouldn’t be this easy to exile a man to the other side of the world, Verity thought as she tightened the buttons on Nate’s coats and made sure his linens were in good repair and neatly packed. She had never been any good at mending, her stitches tending to meander while her thread wound itself into a succession of knots, but she felt that she ought to have to do some kind of work to send Nate on his way. So far, it had been too easy. It made her think the past years of her life were an illusion of stability—a flick of a pen and a few well-chosen words and her life went up like a puff of dust.
Nate staggered in while she sat in the shop, a half-mended shirt discarded on the counter before her, her arms full of books she meant to tuck into his trunk. “Are you only coming home now?” His clothes were rumpled, his jaw unshaven, and he smelled faintly of wine. It was ten in the morning.
“I had to make my farewells,” he said. As he approached the counter she saw lines of fatigue and sleeplessness on his face. “And some business to wrap up. I owed Johnny Burkett five bob for a job he did for me.”
