Page 43 of A Delicate Deception
“What was I afraid of, Lex?” Sydney asked, exasperated.
Lex tapped his long fingers on the coverlet. “Of being liked and wanted. Of being loved. And I don’t mean in the carnal sense. You seem to have no difficulties understanding your appeal in that arena. You spent so many years in Andrew’s shadow. No, that isn’t right.AsAndrew’s shadow. You were so different from one another, that I think you decided that since he was so likable, you must therefore be unlikable.”
“I’m really not particularly likable,” Sydney pointed out.
Lex groped on the bed, found a hair comb, and flung it at Sydney. “You’re surrounded by evidence to the contrary. Surrounded, you monumental lackwit. Nobody should let you build bridges if you’re this stupid.”
“They’re railways! Not bridges!”
“Bugger the entire lot of them. This is why you’re so devoted to duty, isn’t it? You’ve reduced all your relationships to duty, and it’s never once occurred to you that someone might want something else from you.”
“This is balderdash.”
“In any event,” Lex said, swinging his feet to the floor and rising. “When you come to your senses I willnotbe gracious about it.”
“You’re never gracious about anything!” Sydney called to Lex’s retreating form. The infuriating part was that Lex was right. When Sydney suspected someone was fond of him, his first thought was that there must have been some sort of emotional calculation error. Perhaps they hadn’t carried the one, perhaps they hadn’t noticed that he was gruff and abrupt and bad at friendship. But he also found it hard to believe that sharp-eyed, keen-witted Amelia saw him for anything other than who and what he was, and that she liked him anyway. And, yes, that made him uncomfortable in a way he couldn’t quite understand. All the more reason, then, for him to step away from the confusion in his mind and heart and see if he could make some sense of it at a comfortable remove. He told himself very firmly that this was best for both of them.
When Amelia and Georgiana arrived at Pelham Hall, Sydney was waiting on the drive for them, a satchel in his hand. Amelia’s heart sank.
“I’m headed to Manchester for at least a week,” he said. His voice was pleasant. Detached. She hated it. “Are there any errands or services I can perform for you?”
“You’ve had me longing for French cheese all day,” Amelia said, striving for the same level of detachment. “A round of Camembert would be delightful with the berries we’ve been gathering.”
“Eight yards of nankeen,” Georgiana said promptly.
Amelia blinked. “Are you going to recover all the furniture at the cottage?”
“Leontine needs new clothes. The dresses she arrived with are already too small and can’t be let out any further. Some pretty ribbons for her hair would not go amiss. The mercer on the high street doesn’t have anything suitable. And she needs books. Not copy books or primers—there will be time for that later—but stories to read in French and English. I would know where to get them in London but the stationer in Bakewell doesn’t have what I need. I can make a list,” Georgiana offered, when Amelia and Sydney both continued to stare at her.
“No, quite all right,” Sydney said, removing a notebook and pencil from his pocket. “I’ll take care of it.”
“And while you’re at it, you need a proper governess. Your niece is a lady, whatever her origins are. Especially given what her origins are, in fact. She mustn’t be raised in a slipshod manner. It’s all well and good to be camping here for the time being, but if you mean for Pelham Hall to be her home, you must hire a full staff and see that she has other children of a similar station to play with.”
“When she goes to Manchester with me, she’ll go to school,” Sydney said.
“You might want to confirm those details with His Grace,” Georgiana said. “Because he’s laboring under the impression that Leontine will continue to live here with him. They’re exceedingly fond of one another and given that they’ve both had recent losses, you certainly wouldn’t want to separate them.” With that, Georgiana bid Sydney farewell and went inside.
“What just happened?” Sydney asked, passing a hand over his face.
“I think Georgiana has decided to manage your life,” Amelia said. “It’s really not a bad thing. She’s quite good at managing. It’s been so long since I’ve seen her lift a finger that I forgot what it’s like when she decides to take matters in hand. I didn’t know she still had it in her.” Amelia swallowed, not certain how to approach the topic diplomatically. “Also, she is entirely correct that your niece needs to be raised as a lady if you intend for her to be a lady. Georgiana helped my mother in that regard. She is an expert in tricking society to accept baseborn children.”
Sydney’s jaw tensed. “I’m not certain I like hearing you refer to yourself or Leontine as baseborn.”
“It’s a sight nicer than the alternatives,” Amelia responded. “Illegitimate sounds like I’m a grifter. Bastard is unconscionable. By-blow is crass. Born out of wedlock is entirely silly, as it makes it sound like the child was born in an improperly fastened jewelry case. As for natural, what on earth does that make the rest of you? Unnatural?”
“Maybe it’s not a concept we need to dignify with a word.”
“Well, when everybody stops treating it like the gravest error a person can make is to be born to an unmarried parent, then we’ll stop needing a word for it,” she said crisply.
“I see,” Sydney responded. “I defer to your greater wisdom in this area.”
“However,” she said slowly, not sure if she were intruding too much into an area that was not her concern, “you do need to settle this with the duke.”
He frowned. “I’m aware that taking Leontine away will distress Lex, but I haven’t a notion of what else to do. She’s my niece. She doesn’t talk much, but when she does it’s clear that she was passed from pillar to post after her mother died. I’m her only blood relation in England, and it’s my duty to look after her.” He stopped, as if his thoughts had snagged on one of his own words. Then he swiftly shook his head. “She’s my only family as well. And that matters, Amelia. You have scores of relations but she and I haven’t.”
“Blood isn’t the only thing that makes a family,” she observed. “I have blood relations who pretend I don’t exist. Until I was eighteen, my eldest brother was one of them. My father’s sisters won’t even look at me. There are things that matter so much more than blood.”
“Damn it. I know that. I’m sorry. I keep saying the wrong thing.” He stood up straight and hefted his satchel higher on his shoulder. “I shouldn’t have bothered you with all my domestic troubles. They’re my own responsibility to sort out.”
