Page 42 of A Delicate Deception
“Structurally sound,” she repeated, her eyes laughing. “You want to make sure our hearts are structurally sound.”
He tried to bury his face in his hands but she kissed the corner of his mouth. “You need to know I won’t be here so often, in the future.”
“Fair. And I need you to know that I don’t think I can live in a city.”
This was very much the opposite of structural soundness. He very much feared they were headed for another—emotional equivalent of a bridge collapse, he supposed. But standing here with her in the moonlight, he knew that nothing was going to stop him from seeing her. Nothing was going to stop him from falling further in love with her, and if he got his heart resoundingly broken at the end of it, he’d simply have to live with that.
Chapter Seventeen
In the morning, Sydney packed his bag. He had little to cram into his satchel, because most of his belongings were, naturally, in Manchester. That was his home and he would do well to remember it. He tried not to remember that he had somehow acquired two changes of clothes, a spare shaving kit, and a cake of soap, all of which sat in the wardrobe in his room at Pelham Hall, waiting for his return.
He heard footsteps and turned to see Lex in the doorway, holding his cane. “Carter said you’re packing your bag.”
“I have a meeting with the railway backers.”
“You told me that wasn’t until next week. Tell me you aren’t running away from the Allenby woman.”
“I’m doing no such—”
“I swear to God I can actually hear you blushing right now. You’re a terrible liar.” Lex tapped the ground with his cane until he found the bed, then shoved Sydney’s clothing aside and sat. “You’re smitten with her.”
“I am,” Sydney admitted.
“And she’s smitten with you.”
“I believe she is.”
“You sound unsure.”
Sydney swallowed. He thought of what she had said, and the way she looked at him and touched him. She was fond of him. That wasn’t news, precisely. It was just difficult to believe. “I’m trying not to be.”
“And so you’re running away.”
“I’m getting some space so I can think about this clearly.” After the previous night’s conversation, he needed to pause before rushing headlong into disaster. Maybe there was a way to mitigate damages, some way to take whatever they were feeling and shove it into a less dangerous shape. Maybe, with some distance, it could become a casual affair, a summertime romance, and they would only be slightly miserable at the end of it.
“As I said, running away. Of course you are. You’ll need time to come up with a better reason to drive her away this time. I doubt you’re up to the task, if I’m honest.”
“What on earth are you talking about.”
Lex arranged himself against Sydney’s pillows, his booted feet crossed on top of Sydney’s folded shirts. “When someone’s fond of you, you immediately stage a tactical retreat.”
Sydney opened his mouth to object but Lex carried on. “One,” he said, holding up a single finger. “You were terribly standoffish with both me and Penny. My God, the lengths we had to go to for you to join in our frolics. We asked Andrew if you hated us but he insisted that this was how you were. Two.” He held up another finger. “You ran off to Durham as soon as you and I became something more than occasional bedmates.”
“That’s not fair,” Sydney said hoarsely. But he remembered that summer, remembered the realization that he was in over his head, and wanting to get as far away from Lex as possible. “I had work in Durham.”
Lex ignored him. “Three. You jumped to the worst possible conclusion about Miss Allenby when she and Miss Russell visited. Surely you realize how irrational that was. You went so far as to insult the poor woman. I can only assume you were deliberately trying to alienate her.”
“I don’t need to try to alienate anyone,” Sydney said. “It just happens. It’s my nature.”
“Four. You didn’t come to me in London.”
Now that was simply going too far. “You didn’t ask me!”
“You were the only person who had suffered the same loss as I had. We were—we are—family. I needed you and I couldn’t tell you because my secretary doesn’t need to be privy to my every thought, and you didn’t come.”
Sydney clenched his fists in frustration. “Your letters were so chilly. And they were dictated, Lex. I thought you were trying to put me off.”
“You knew me. You knew better than to think that I’d shrink from telling you to keep away if that was what I wanted. I think that you didn’t want to see me because you were afraid.”
