Page 89 of We Could Be So Good
Andy’s aware that Nick’s argument has holes, but he’s too worked up to find them. He has just enough sense to know that he needs to quit before he makes Nick angrier, because then Nickreally will leave. He wants to tell Nick that he loves him, but his entire experience with that phrase is that it does nothing to stop anyone from leaving.
When Andy doesn’t say anything, Nick goes on, more gently now. “You must have thought of this already, right?”
Andy hasn’t, though. He hasn’t thought about it in the same way that for months he didn’t think about the dip of Nick’s collarbone, the restless urge to touch him, what all of that meant. He pushed that thought safely to the side, out of view, where it couldn’t bother anybody.
And now he’s furious that Nick made him look at it.
Andy can’t take it anymore. “There’s nothing I can say to that, is there? I’m going to go home. I’ll see you tonight.”
“Andy—”
“No, I can’t do this anymore.” He gestures at his face, hoping that Nick sees how dangerously close to tears he is.
“I’ll put you in a cab.”
Like hell he will. “I’m a grown man. I can take the subway.”
Nick looks stung and Andy doesn’t even care.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Andy’s anger dissipates by the time he takes his first breath of stale subway air. All that remains is his shame and the too-familiar dread of being left. He’s tempted to go back through the turnstile, climb the stairs, and return to theChronicle. He could apologize to Nick, do his best to patch up the mess he’s made.
But he has enough sense to know that this would only add to the day’s dramatics. He needs to make sense of what that argument was about. They had been quarreling about too many separate items, tangled together in ways Andy will only be able to pick through if he’s calm. Nick’s career is ultimately Nick’s decision, and Andy knows that he needs to either back off or be supportive. Likewise, Andy’s dread about running theChronicleis really not something he needs to drag Nick into. That all seems straightforward now that he’s sitting in a half-empty subway car taking him away from Nick, away from work.
More worrying is Nick’s belief that what they’re doing is only temporary. This isn’t the first time that Nick has said something like that. He’s right that rumors are inevitable, and Andy already knows that he can’t ask Nick to endure that. He’s pretty sure Nick thinks Andy will walk away before they even get to that point.
Andy wants to somehow persuade Nick—and maybe himself—that there isn’t an inevitable end to this. But he has a sinking sense that he’ll lose that fight, that no matter how long they stay together there will always be a piece of Nick waiting for the end, and that breaks Andy’s heart.
***
When Andy gets home, someone is sitting on the stoop. Andy takes one look at the olive skin and mop of dark curls and wonders how Nick managed to get here first. He quickens his step.
But this is a kid—skinny, hunched over, and, Andy notices with a sigh, bleeding into his handkerchief. Could be one of the neighborhood toughs, but toughs probably don’t wear shirts and ties.
He’s about to offer to buy this kid a Coke and give him a subway token when he recognizes him.
“Sal?”
Nick’s nephew looks up abruptly, his fists clenched, as if he’s ready to throw a punch. From the looks of his face, it wouldn’t be the first fight he’s had that day. One of his eyes is swollen and there’s a cut on his chin.
“I’m friends with your uncle Nick. We met at your house. My name’s Andy.” Sal looks at him blankly. “Your grandmother sent me home with a bucket of tomato sauce,” Andy adds, as if this will be the decisive information the kid needs.
“What are you doing here?” Sal asks.
“I think that’s my line.”
Sal scowls. “I’m here to see my uncle.”
Andy looks at his watch. “It’s not even noon. He’ll still be at work.”
“I can wait.”
Andy glances across the street to where that cop had been stationed for the past two weeks. He isn’t there, so that’s one less thing to worry about.
“Sure, if you want to dehydrate and get sunstroke. Your uncle will love that. I can let you into his apartment and we can call him.”
Sal narrows his eyes. “Why do you have a key to his apartment?”
