Page 76 of The Vacation Mix-Up
“Riley!” She laughs. “That’s disgusting!”
Quickly rubbing in the semen-like substance, she takes a long sip of her drink before moaning her delight.
“How’d you sleep?” I ask, my chest tight with anticipation for her answer.
“Like a baby! That app is amazing. Thank you.”
“Good to hear.”
Wanting to tap dance with my utter relief and joy, even though I can’t tap dance to save my life, I keep my cool instead and pick up the daily newsletter Riles has already collected from outside our door. We visit Qaqortoq, Greenland today, a tiny seaside village set within a system of fjords. I’ve never been to Greenland—never set foot in Europe—so I’m looking forward to the Viking-inspired carvings and Nordic architecture.
“Is it cold outside?” she calls out. “The captain announced the temperature has dropped.”
“I don’t know. I’ll check.” Opening the balcony door, a blast of fresh air all but freezes my balls, so I immediately close it again. “Yes.”
“Isn’t it supposed to be summer in Greenland?”
“Their summer isn’t like our summer, Riles.”
“You’re right. I suppose it wouldn’t be.”
Knowing I’ll need a jacket, I make my way to the closet, when she says, “Have you seen my bathing suit? I hung it in here to dry yesterday.”
“I moved it out onto the balcony with mine to dry faster.”
“You didwhat?”
Her witch-like screech slices through me, and I’m suddenly hesitant to repeat myself. “I… uh… moved it.”
“Did you bring it back inside?”
“N—”
Riles bursts out of the bathroom and shoves past me before wrenching the balcony door open and stepping outside. “Where’d you put it?”
“On the chair.”
“It’s not on the chair, Riley.”
“What?” I follow her, confused.
“It’s gone!”
“Gone? What about my shorts?”
“They’re gone too. Oh my God! I can’t believe you left them out here. What did you think would happen?”
“I….” I run my hand through my hair, eyes scanning the balcony. “Shit! I didn’t think they’d disappear.”
“They didn’tdisappear!” She leans over the railing to see past the partition into next door, one foot lifting from the ground.
“What the hell are you doing?” I lunge forward and yank her into my arms, my heart thudding manically in my chest. “You’ll fall.”
“I thought you said I couldn’tfall.”
“If you lean over the damn railing, you might. Jesus, Riles. Be careful.”
“Be careful?” She shoves my chest, then slams her hands onto her hips. “You be careful. Because of you, my swimsuit blew away.”
