Page 57 of Noel I Won’t
“Wh-what?” I said dumbly as he pulled back.
He smiled. “It’s not a locker room, and it’s about ten years too late, but it’s the best I can do. I’m sorry I wasn’t brave enough to do it back then.”
“Would you have wanted to?” I asked dubiously.
“You always intrigued me. I just…I hadn’t fully put it into context in my mind yet. What it meant.”
I nodded and licked my lips, relishing the taste of him. “Guess you’ve done that now.”
He smiled tentatively. “A little too well, maybe. I know you’re leaving after Christmas, but I really wish you weren’t.”
“Me too.” I laced my fingers with his on the tabletop. “And for the record, I didn’t date much in Chicago. Too work-obsessed.” I rolled my eyes. “Big surprise, right?”
“You’re passionate about what you do,” Hopper said. “I respect that. But you’ve got a lot of passion for other things, too. I think you owe it to yourself to live a full life.”
A teenage boy arrived with baskets of food. He placed them in front of us and withdrew with a smile.
I pulled my MoonShake close and took a drink, humming with pleasure. It wasn’t exactly the same as the more classic MoonShakes, but damn, the peppermint cut through the sweetness of the chocolate just perfectly. The candy-cane bits added a nice little crunch when they slipped through the straw.
Hopper picked up a small onion ring and popped it into his mouth.
“This trip has put a lot in perspective for me,” I told him. “It’s been a long time since I took time away from my work. But I see now how consumed I was with it. I thought I had to be, you know? That it was the only way to achieve my goals. And, in a way, that was true. But it’s not the full truth.”
Hopper took a sip of his shake. “And what’s the full truth, then?”
“I let it be the most important thing to me. I let it fill the voids of friendship and family and love. But coming here, spending time with Mom and Dad, and with you…” I fiddled with my straw, oddly vulnerable as I admitted the realization that had been bubbling inside me for a few days now. “I want more than a restaurant and some food critic’s praise for my food. But it feels wrong after chasing that dream for so long.”
“You can still have those things,” he said. “You don’t have to trade in one for the other.”
I smiled wistfully. “I don’t know how to be a chef without it taking over my life, and I don’t know how to be a son, a friend, a…boyfriendor husband…without giving up everything I’ve worked for.”
Hopper squeezed my hand. “I know you can figure it out, Noel. I’ve watched you bring new life to the Christmas tree farm in just days. Watched you make your mom smile more than she has in years. Watched you take on an upscale dinner party without so much as pausing for breath. You can do anything you want. Have anything you want. All you have to do is reach for it, and it’ll be yours.”
Damn, this man had a lot of faith in me. I wasn’t sure anyone had ever looked at me with so much admiration and affection. My heart swelled, even as I told it to settle down, that we couldn’t have Hopper, that this was just a little holiday gift we’d have to return at the end of the season.
My heart didn’t listen.
It wanted to beat for Hopper Kelly.
Maybe it always had.
CHAPTER 20
HOPPER
The tree farmwas buzzing with activity as families took their Scavenge with Santa lists from Noel and set off for the trees at a run. Maggie laughed, eyes sparkling, as a happy squeal rent the air. Families shouted back and forth as they raced to be the first to find the items I’d planted in the trees.
We’d had a fresh snowfall, and everything was glistening, making the farm look like a magical land where all your holiday dreams come true.
“You couldn’t have planned this event at a better time,” I said. “Too bad we don’t have a snowman-building contest.”
Noel grinned. “I know, right? But the dinner party is tomorrow night. I just hope the snow doesn’t turn to muddy slush.”
“If it does, that won’t be your fault,” I assured him. “They’re gonna love the dinner. The event room looks amazing.”
We’d hung lights and shimmery fabrics to soften the rustic space in the barn. That alone had looked great, but Noel had then wrapped each chair in a crimson fabric with sparkly gold flecks that matched the runner on the table. And he and Maggie had worked together to weave garland and holly around candles to create centerpieces.
“Ho-ho!” Ed called from his seat in an outdoor rocker we’d placed next to a crackling fire so he could keep warm. He was dressed in a Santa suit, fake beard and all. When he’d heard Noel’s plans for the event, he’d insisted on playing a part. “Come sit down and tell Santa what you want, Noel!”
