Page 158 of Beyond Protection
Lamplight remained, a soft amber glow.
When he returned to the bed, his expression was unreadable.
"Tell me if it hurts," he said quietly.
"I will."
"Promise me."
"I promise."
He sat on the edge of the bed, and he touched my face.
"I keep feeling like parts of me aren't mine anymore," I admitted. "Like the shooting took something, and I don't know how to get it back."
"What parts?"
"Control. Certainty." Our gazes connected. "The belief that my body does what I tell it to."
Understanding flickered across his face. He leaned in and kissed me slow. Not demanding. His mouth against mine, with our breath mingling. His taste was familiar—real.
When he pulled back, he nuzzled my neck.
"Let me give you something back," he whispered. "Let me show you you're still whole."
I swallowed hard. "Yeah, please."
His hand moved from my face to my chest—palm flat over my heart, feeling it beat. Strong. Steady. Alive. Then lower, tracing ribs.
The lamplight caught in his hair. His eyes were dark, dilated, and focused entirely on me.
"Just you," he said quietly. "No agenda. No transaction. Just—this. Us. Proof you're still here."
His hand slipped under the blanket's hem. Paused.
"Okay?"
"Yeah."
He shifted closer, angling his body beside mine on the narrow bed—mindful of the shoulder. His free hand cupped my face while the other slipped beneath the blanket.
The first touch was—
God.
Gentle. Patient. His palm against skin that had forgotten what it felt like to be touched with want instead of clinical assessment. My body responded—immediate, desperate. Part of me stirred noticeably beneath the blanket.
"Don't," Mac said, reading my face. "Don't apologize for being alive."
"I'm not—"
"You were about to." He kissed me softly. "You're allowed. It's yours. You're here."
His hand moved, and his fingers slowly wrapped around my half-hard cock. He stroked, building rhythm slow and steady. No rush.
I tried to reach for him—reciprocate, give back—but he caught my wrist.
"No," he said quietly. "Not yet. This is about you being here and being whole. Let me. You did it for me. Now, I'm offering it to you."
