Page 10 of Interference
I don’t want to go back home and live in a mausoleum even though my father signed the house over to me when I was eighteen years old.
I want to go back. I want to live in those few years where everything felt right. Where I was at peace.
Peace.
My hand finds my phone as I pull up her contact.
Emery has always brought me peace. Even if afterward I feel a load of emotions for her that I could never process because she refuses to acknowledge that she could even possibly feel a fraction of what I do, I still find peace with her.
Dialing her number, I wait for her to answer.
I’m surprised when she answers on the second ring.
“What do you want, Brett?” Her exasperation is clear through the phone.
It hurts me. Usually when she says those words, but they sound more like a joke. Tonight, she sounds like she is done with my shit.
Everyone leaves.
“Buttercup, how was your day?” I ask, not giving a hint of my hurt to her.
“Shitty. Really freaking shitty,” she mumbles into the phone.
My heart lightens a little. Maybe she isn’t done with me. Maybe it’s whatever happened.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask.
She snorts. “Definitely not. I want to sleep, but it seems like my mind has other plans.”
“I could come over. Keep you company.”
She outright laughs now. “That’s the last thing I need right now. Honestly, this is all your fault to begin with. If you hadn’t pursued me, my life wouldn’t be in shambles right now. I mean, you had to charm me with that…that…that…I don’t know. You know what you are. You charmed me, and now look at where I am. Fuck. I can’t keep doing this, Brett.”
My heart is racing in my chest. Emery has become the one light through all of this. She is always there for me when I need it. I can’t lose her, not now. I don’t want her to lose me either. She might not depend on me the same way, but I want to be there for her.
“Em, tell me what’s wrong. I’ll make it all better,” I urge her.
“You can’t. Not everything is about you. You need to figure your own shit out before you try and help me figure mine. Have you gotten back out on the ice yet? No. It’s been three months since you got the all-clear, and you are still on the bench. I don’t get it. You have your dream right there in your hands. You can grab onto it and run with it, and you are wasting it. I can’t do this right now with you. I’m getting upset, and I had just calmed down.”
Where the hell is this coming from? Emery’s always been blunt with me in the past, but this feels different.
“Emery, I want to be there for you. It doesn’t have to be about me. I want it to be about you,” I say sadly.
“I will talk to you eventually, but tonight isn’t the right time. I need to go. I have to be up in a few hours and go do shit Idon’t want to do, so please. For tonight. Let me sleep.” Her voice cracks, breaking my heart.
“Okay, buttercup. Whatever you need,” I murmur as the line goes dead.
I doubt she even heard me.
I stare up at the ceiling once again.
She’s right. I have depended on her to fill this gaping hole inside of me. I have been begging her to love me without saying the words. I have been selfish.
Not that I want to be. I have tried to get her to open up more. To talk to me and depend on me, but she refuses. She only says we are temporary.
I don’t want to be temporary, though. I want forever, and I want it with her.
I should have known better, though. I never get what I want. That would be too easy.
