Page 9 of Reindeer and Restraints
Jolene
Bellamie wheels the cart down the baby aisle, her laughter bubbling up as Jane plays with a toy attached to the handle.
Jane's fingers are so tiny—not abnormally small, they fit her hands nicely, but everything about her is small… and needy. She doesn't know what's safe or not, and judging by the variety of things she's explored with her mouth, she needs someone wise to care for her. She needs someone like Bellamie who thought to bring a wipe to clean the cart.
She got me. What was my cousin thinking?
Starla flanks me on the other side, her arm looped through mine, as we study shelves stacked with gadgets I never imagined needing. Monitors that beam live feeds to your phone. Lampsthat play nature sounds and change colors. Plush toys that hum lullabies. Do they make these in adult sizes? I could use a stuffed animal that would drown out the panic.
How did we survive as humans before all of this was invented?
Bellamie halts at the diaper display, a wall of plastic packages and boxes each touting some spectacular capability. She tilts her head, scanning the options. "These match what she came with, so we don't have to worry about an allergic reaction.”
"To a diaper?" My question is mostly rhetorical, but the buzz of my phone draws my attention.
It’s Jeremy, and I feel bad that some selfish, desperate part of me hopes he was able to track down Jane's father.
I let Bellamie and Starla know I need to take the call.
"Any luck?" I ask as soon as I answer.
Jeremy doesn't even give me shit. He just says, "I wish I had better news."
Relief floods me. The unexpected reaction leaves me speechless. Why am I relieved?
"Jolene? You okay?"
"Yeah, actually, I am."
We hang up, and as I walk back to the cart, Jane smiles and babbles at me. I don't have any idea what she says, or how long it will take me to feel like a mom, but it's time I grow up.
Hudson had no idea how helpful all of his recent questions would be. He planted the seed in my mind that I'm not a teenager anymore and I'm going to have to pivot when things don't go as planned.
Being gifted a child definitely wasn't my plan. I glance at Bellamie and Starla, their faces expectant. Lucky doesn't cover having them here, helping me through this.
"Everything okay?" Starla asks.
I pocket the phone. "Yeah. Jeremy couldn't find Jane's dad. So it's official. I’m doing this."
Starla's arms wrap around me. "Jane's lucky to have you."
"Lucky might be a stretch. I don't know what I'd do without you two."
Bellamie grins, pushing the cart forward. "You'd manage. But hey, did you talk to Laz about the auction?"
I nod, my pulse quickening at the thought of going through with it. "Yeah. I still qualify. The contract doesn't say we can't have kids, so we're considering whether we reveal that tidbit when I take the stage."
"I'm so excited." Starla pumps a fist. "It wouldn't have been right without you."
My phone dings again. Jeremy sent a link for a reindeer ranch followed by:They have stuff for kids to do. Check it out. Jane might like it.
How does Jeremy know about this? And is this something a toddler would like? Jane can't possibly understand what a reindeer is. But it’s probably better than sitting at home.
"Have you heard of the reindeer ranch?" I ask my friends.
Bellamie lights up. "Yeah, it's new. They provided the reindeer for the Krampusnacht parade."
Is this what mom brain is like? I can't even remember that I saw reindeer andhima few days ago. I can’t believe I’d forgotten the poop scooper. How many days was it? Less than a week? Whew, so much has happened.
