Page 27 of Beneath the Midnight Sky
“I don’t want to get hurt, Ivy,” I whispered. “And I know if I do this, if I go out with him and let him try to whisk me off my feet and shit, I’ll get hurt. Guys like Rowan…they don’t want broken people like me.”
She laid down on her side next to me and took my hand again. “You’re not broken, Aspen. You’re a little bent, sure. Maybe a bit bruised, but we all are. You just have to find someone who doesn’t mind art that won’t fit the normal mold. Which you’ll do because you’re amazing.” She wiped her face, and I realized her eyes were tearing up. “You’re by far the greatest friend I’ve ever had, Aspen. I’d be lost without you. Please hear me when I tell you that you deserve happiness. You deserve the guy who will sit in the back corner of a bar and order endless food to keep your best friend quiet so he can make sure you’re okay. You deserve that sort of love and devotion. Accept it or at least give him a chance to show you.”
I stared at my best friend and gently squeezed her hand. “Fine, but if he does have a psycho sex dungeon and I disappear? You better come and find me,” I said in an attempt to lighten the mood, a smile on my face.
“Oh, girl, please. I’m not saving you from the psycho sex dungeon. You need a trip there. I will, however, be quite upset if you don’t find me a cute cowboy with a sex dungeon of my own as payment for helping you find yours.” I let out a brief chuckle at her ridiculousness.
“What about your man?” I asked sarcastically.
“I know you hate Todd, and listen, tonight we both hate Todd. So, let’s leave it there and watch Sol and Robert live happily in their love nest.” She rolled onto her back and stared at the still playing show. “I hope I don’t have to wait until I’m in my seventies to find happiness like this.”
I shook my head. “You won’t. You’ll always have me.”
She squeezed my hand and leaned her head down on my shoulder.
“Damn right.”
I’d wokenup next to Ivy, and finally, after days of not feeling inspired to even touch my paints, I pulled out a canvas and started getting to work. The sun hadn’t even come up yet, but my mind was wide awake.
After a while, a groan came from the bed, and I glanced over my shoulder to see Ivy sitting up, her hair a mess. Her long, blonde, soft waves were somewhat frizzy and very tangled.
“What in the world are you doing over there? It’s only”—she leaned over and tapped her phone—“Aspen, it’s not even eight inthe morning yet. Really?” She flopped back down on the bed and stretched again. She definitely wasn’t a morning person.
“You know me, babe. Inspiration hits, and I hit back,” I told her before turning back to the canvas in front of me. I wasn’t sure exactly what I was making yet, but I could see it in my head. I just had to get it onto the canvas.
I heard Ivy roll out of bed and rummage through the kitchen. “Do you want a cup?” she hollered.
“Yes, please. I already have a cup if you want to just refill it,” I replied.
She walked over towards me to grab my discarded and cold coffee from when I woke up at four and stopped. “Holy shit, Aspen. This is stunning.”
Normally, I hated others seeing my work, especially before it was done. But Ivy didn’t count. When we first became friends, she used to come over with her books and lie across my couch while I painted for hours. We’d turn on classical fantasy-inspired music on one of our phones, and just spend time being in each other's space. I think that’s why it was so easy for me to just exist around her now.
“Thanks. I’m not sure exactly where it’s going yet, but it just sort of—I don’t know—formed in my head. It’s hard to explain.” Looking over the canvas, the top half was covered in a light blue and purple, the bottom half was a mix of dark blue, shades of green, and browns. “I may add some mountains or something. An ode to Colorado, if you will.”
I glanced over my shoulder at her to see her nodding her head. “I can see it. The trees and the stream. It looks beautiful.” She wandered away to get us both some coffee and came back with it made just the way I liked—a little bit of chocolate coffee creamer, cinnamon, and whipped cream on the top. “Okay, so work tonight. Can I come over tomorrow and help you get ready?”
“Of course you can. Why even ask?” I smiled and took a drink of my coffee. “Ugh, perfect. I swear, if you were a man, I wouldn’t have to do any of this drama. You’d be perfect.”
“Funny, I was thinking the same thing about you,” she sighed and sat down on the couch.
I stared at her for a minute before setting down my coffee and picking up a brush. I grabbed some grey paint and then casually asked, “Okay, Ivy, spill it. What’s going on with fuck head?”
I didn’t look up; I just kept painting. There was one major thing I’d learned about Ivy when we became friends. She talked about her feelings better when people weren’t staring her down, waiting for answers. So I didn’t. I gave her the space to collect her thoughts and tell me whatever she wanted, so I could help—assuming she wanted my help.
“Uhm, Todd wants to move in together.” I dropped my brush and stared at her. Fuck her feelings right now, she could process with my eyes on her.
I was chewing on my bottom lip and released it quickly, thinking of Rowan.Fuck, Aspen, focus.“And what do you want? I mean…what do you think about that idea? Moving in together…is…big.”
“Ugh, how am I supposed to know that, Aspen? I’m twenty-two years old! Just! Ijustturned twenty-two. I love Todd, sure, I guess. But we break up every other day. So, what am I supposed to do? Move in, and he’ll sleep on the couch when he’s mad at what outfit I wore that day? Come on. This is a horrible idea, right?” I could see her getting more and more emotional as she spoke. I pushed myself up onto my feet and sat down next to her on the couch, my arms wrapped around her tightly while she internally panicked.
“Whatever you do will be the right choice for you, honey. Don’t worry,” I said quietly. In my head, I knew Todd was shit,and I knew she didn’t tell me everything he did either. But I’d been there—the girl in the shit relationship who felt I couldn’t talk to anyone. I didn’t want that for Ivy. I wanted her to know she could come to me with anything, and I’d support her fully and with my entire heart. So, I didn’t offer advice because I knew she wasn’t actually asking for any, and no matter what happened with her shitty boyfriend, I’d be there to pick up the pieces with her.
“He wants my answer, or he said he’s done. He doesn’t think this is going anywhere if I won’t fully commit to him,” she whispered.
I felt my teeth grind together while I tried to choose my words carefully. I knew if I just spazzed out and told her to leave immediately, she’d defend him. She always defended him. No, if she left, it had to be her choice, not because I talked her into it.
“What do you want to do, Ivy? What in your head makes the most sense?” I asked calmly.
