Page 107 of Against the Autumn Pines
“Ember,” he spoke up, but I didn’t turn, only stopping, my eyes glued to the exit as the officer stepped out of the way for me. “Lori left you a note. Should be at the house when you want to go grab it.”
I let my feet carry me the rest of the way out of the building, Wyatt meeting me at the door. He didn’t speak, just took my hand and led me to the SUV.
“Can you take me there?” I asked, my voice quiet as I stared out the windshield.
“Of course, little flame.”
The drive was quiet, the windows cracked as the cool Colorado air filtered into the car. My sweater was the only thing holding heat within my body right now.
I hadn’t spoken to Mom since our dinner that night two months ago. She never showed up to lunch, and she never answered the phone. The cops said they were searching for her to interview her for my father’s case, but nothing. Evan said he hadn’t heard from her, but he also hadn’t tried. Nor had he been back there since that night.
I forced myself to count backwards from ten as we pulled up in front of the house.
“I don’t even have a key.”
Wyatt chuckled. “Oh yes, because I’m worried about something as silly as breaking and entering. Come on, Em. Let’s go.”
He opened my door, and I climbed out, his hand immediately back in mine as we walked to the front door. He only let go to reach under the mat and pull out a spare key.
“Breaking and entering, huh?”
Wyatt chuckled. “I may have texted Evan when we left the prison. He told me where the key was. Although I would gladly throw a rock through the window for you, and I still can if you want to break some shit.”
I shook my head, taking the key from him and unlocking the door. “Let’s go, Carragan.”
Truly, I wasn’t sure what to expect when I walked in. The house looking like no one had left? That wasn’t it, but that was the reality of the situation at hand. Nothing had changed. I walked around, my eyes taking in the photos on the walls, all my brothers and Bennett. The only one that sat there of me, was one of me and Mom when I was a year old.
“Ember,” Wyatt called from the kitchen.
Walking in, I found him at the kitchen counter, a white envelope in his hand with my name written across it.
“Do you want me to go?” he asked as I took the paper in my hand, but I just shook my head.
I didn’t waste time opening the stupid thing. Why bother? I just wanted to read it and go home. Maybe scream into the woods a few times while I did.
Ember,
If you’re reading this, it’s because I’ve left and wasn’t sure how to tell you the truth of my life—my choices. A letter feels pathetic, almost like a betrayal, but after everything we’ve done and seen together, this may be the kindest of things I’ve done for you.
When you were born, your father had another family off in the city. I knew, and I didn’t care. Something about him…I just needed him by my side. You were that reason. That thing that held him with me. I thought if I could give him a son like she had, maybe he’d see that it would all be better here. He could have his family in Raven Creek and us.
It didn’t work, of course. He just chose both lives, and for a while, I was even fine with that. I had the ring, the name, the house, and the baby. He wanted a son; I gave him two. I thought for sure that would make him stay, leavethe rest behind, but he left us all in the end, and none of it ever mattered to him more than the money and the notoriety.
I wished I knew how to be better for you, how to love you the way a mother should. I tried once you were older, once I saw that you had gone out and done something real with your life. I tried to get to know you, and I have no one to blame but myself for my lack of success on that front. Don’t blame yourself—please.
Just know that I’m proud of you. I’m proud of the strong-willed and confident woman you are today, and I know whatever you choose to do in life? It’ll be better than I ever chose.
Enjoy your life sweetheart,
Mom
I shook my head after the third read through. Tossing the papers on the counter, I charged out of the house and found myself on the front lawn of the small trailer park, my knees in the grass as I screamed into the cool night air.
Wyatt stood behind me, his arms crossed as he watched. People glanced out their doors, but he did something to make them go back inside. Maybe it was a thumbs up or a nod or a shrug. That boyish smirk would also be an option, of course, but who knew when it came to him.
My head fell back, my eyes to the night sky, where I could barely make out any stars tonight. Clouds rolled along in the darkness, and it was a full moon. I couldn’t help but smile asI thought about a full moon all those months ago. The full moon that guided me along in the woods as a masked stranger chased me without a care in the world.
Back before I knew my father was trying to get me killed or steal every dime I had. Back when I thought my mother just generally didn’t enjoy me. When I thought my brothers were little shits who wouldn’t hold a job more than a few months, and that my Grandpa Joe was the only one in my life to ever really love me.
