Page 28 of Healing Hazel
“It is,” I said and when she handed me the second bag, I wisely just slid it across the table to my friend.
As we walked out of Angel’s Heavenly Bakery and Chocolate Shoppe, Mira already had dipped a hand into the first bag and was nibbling on a truffle. But that didn’t stop her from becoming far more serious as we began the walk back to the clinic. “So,where are you on the scale of ready to share all the details of ‘that night’ with Nigel?”
I didn’t answer for several steps. Not because I resented the question. Hell, I’d learned fast that Mira didn’t particularly care about resentment. She’d explained that she’d spent far too long not talking about the things that truly mattered to waste any more time resenting questions when they came from people who loved her. She pretty much felt the same way about asking those questions herself when she loved someone who seemed determined to think it best to leave her in the dark.
“Closer,” I admitted finally. “I think I’m almost convinced that it won’t make him think I… well, you know…”
“No, I don’t know,” she said, not giving me an inch. “That’s the problem, Hazel. No oneknows. Oh, they canthinkthey do. We can all imagine what happened to someone, can juxtapose our feelings and even our demons on someone else’s experiences, but not a single one of us canknowuntil you tell the story. And, though I know how much easier it is to simply sweep it under the bed or hope it just goes away, it won’t. Whatever it was not only happened but has affected you for years. You’ll carry a part of it with you for the rest of your life. The only question you need answer is how much and how long are you going to carry it alone?”
I sighed as we continued to walk, or rather I walked and she did that fascinating wobble that women adopted when carrying weight that threw them a bit off balance. “Gimme one,” I demanded, gesturing with my fingers. “If I’m going to deal with shit, I’m going to need something sweet in exchange.”
She held out the white bag and I stuck my hand inside and withdrew a chocolate. “Any clue what flavor this is?” I asked, holding it up.
“Nope, and does it matter? It’s going to be delicious.”
True.
I bit into the candy and almost swooned. “That man’s name may be Angel but he makes one hell of a devilishly good chocolate.”
“That doesn’t mean I’m giving you back your bag,” Mira said, twisting a bit to the side as if I was actually going to grab it from her other hand.
I needed the laugh that little move caused as much as I needed the dark chocolate presently melting on my tongue. Once it was gone, we’d almost reached the clinic where she’d left her car. “Remember how I told you we were taking baby steps?”
She nodded. “I do.”
“Well, tonight will be more like we’re playing leap frog. We’re going to the Dungeon for the first time.”
Her eyebrows lifted. “How does that make you feel?”
“Scared,” I admitted and then added, “and a bit worried that I won’t even make it through the doors, much less have the guts to tell Nigel anything more.”
Mira nodded. “That’s perfectly okay and totally expected. And you’ve not only picked a safe word, but know you can use it at any moment and Nigel will not only respect it, he won’t feel anything but respect for you knowing what you need, correct?”
I smiled. “Yes, Dr. Lake,” I said and then laughed. “Never mind. God help me if I have to deal with yet another doctor in my life. Between Nigel, Dr. Nelson and your Wes, I’m pretty full up in that capacity.”
“That’s fine as I’d much rather be your friend,” Mira said with another soft smile.
“Well, that’s good because I’m afraid you’re stuck with me,” I said honestly. “I may have a limit on doctors, but as for friends, whether they come as Littles or Bigs, I’ll never have enough of those.”
She opened her arms and I gave her a hug, laughing when her belly got in the way.
“I know!” she lamented, rubbing her hand over it again. “But soon enough we can hug in a proper way.”
“Screw proper, I’m good with whatever,” I assured her.
“And that is why you’ll be able to take that step tonight. There’s no proper way to do it, you just have to have the strength to take it. Just remember, you’re never alone. We’re always here for you.”
And I knew she was, that so many people were. As she drove away, I thanked the universe yet again for not only bringing her into my life, but for having the couple deciding to build their home on the Ridge. With a beep of her horn, I gave a final wave and went back to work.
“Enjoy your lunch?” Nigel asked as I hung my coat up on the hook on the wall behind the desk.
“Very much.”
His eyebrow went up and it took me a moment and then I laughed. “Oh, about that chocolate I promised to bring you?”
“Yes?”
“Um, what if I said Mira ate them all? You know how pregnant women are.”
