Page 21 of Knot Your Pucking Mate
My chest feels like it’s being torn apart at the mere thought of that.
Shuffling down the hall, I lean against the wall by his door, waiting for him to come out so we can talk.
He appears a minute later with a towel and a pile of clean clothes in his arms.
“Jesus fucking Christ, Chase,” he shouts as he jumps backwards at the sight of me, dropping his clothing on the floor. “You could have let me know you were there.”
“What, so you could avoid me some more? Like your radio silence all night wasn’t torturous enough. Is Mandy okay?” My words are weak and whiny, which sets my hackles on edge. I’m not normally this emotional; that’s more Axel's prerogative.
I don’t fucking like it.
But I need to know how she is. It took all of my fucking self-control not to hunt down her address and show up at her door to make sure she was okay.
Her scent had been so strong, and her eyes so full of pain that I hadn’t been able to decipher what she was truly feeling.
“Shit, Chase. I’m sorry, man. Mandy had a heat spike. Your, ummm, our scents combined triggered her in some way, and her omega hormones went haywire. I was so caught up in looking after her I didn’t even stop to think you’d want to know how she was doing. That was shitty of me. You’re my packmate, and I should have considered how this was affecting you, too.”
I’m slightly taken aback by how utterly understanding he’s being. Doesn’t he get it? Not understand that there’s a ten-foot-high fucking barbed wire wall between Mandy and me that I put there? One that is going to cause the two of them problems because he chose me as his packmate.
“I fucked up, Axel,” I admit, running my hands through my hair and turning away from him. I make my way to the couch and sit down with my head in my hands. “They gave me an ultimatum, and I chose wrong. I should have chosen her. It’s always been her.”
Axel follows me to the couch, plopping himself down beside me and clapping a hand on my shoulder. “You were just a kid. A kid who had gone through a traumatic accident and was still healing from those injuries. Your alpha-hole parents should have known better than to make you choose.”
“If I had of stood up to them, or even just reached out to make sure she knew I hadn’t ghosted her, then maybe-”
“Maybe what? Maybe you’d still be together? Maybe you’d still be a pro-hockey player and have the girl too? Maybe this, maybe that. Maybe nothing would be different. Repeat after me. You. Were. Just. A. Kid. You can’t change the past, man, only influence the future and try to atone for past mistakes.”
We’re both quiet for a moment, contemplating his words. I was just a kid. But I hurt both of us by going along with the plan my parents made for me. I should have done more. Been stronger. Maybe then I’d be worthy of her.
“Maybe it’s the romantic in me,” Axel begins. “And maybe it’s because I know there’s a romantic in her. But I kind of believe you were meant to be. The two of you aren’t done. Your story isn’t over. I’d like to think there’s a chapter coming up where the three of us get our happily ever after. Fate works in mysterious ways. You haven’t been written off. Maybe it’s just time for your redemption arc.”
“Redemption arc?”
“Yeah, the part where the villain or bad guy makes up for the shit that he’s done. Or in your case, the child who made mistakes shows the girl he lost that he never moved on and she was always it for him.”
“I don’t know. Where would I even start?”
“Designation aside, I’ve never seen you with another girl. No matter how hard the puck bunnies throw themselves at you, you’ve always resisted and kept to yourself.”
“Yeah, because they weren’t Mandy.”
“Exactly. You were holding out for her, whether you meant to or not. Holding out for a girl you believe hates you for mistakes you made when you were both children. She doesn’t hate you, and I think you have a real shot at showing her who you are and how much she means to you, even through the absence of the last ten years. I reckon she’s felt it too, man. Missed you in the same way you’ve missed her. Offer her an explanation, prove the feelings are still there and that your grown ass won’t make the same mistake twice. Trust me.”
With that, he claps me on the back and heads back towards the bathroom to get ready for training.
I spend the morning going through the motions. The ride to training, and the training session itself are a blur, my mind too focused on Axel’s pep talk and how I might start mending both our wounds.
An idea forms as I skate across the ice, running drills on autopilot long after Coach has called time. The night of the accident was also the night of our senior prom. And though unintentional, I stood Mandy up and tainted that experience for her. The corsage I bought her is still in my drawer, dried and preserved in a ball of resin. I hadn’t been able to bring myself to throw it away, even after I agreed not to see her again. But I’venever been able to display it either. Looking at it has always been a painful reminder of what I lost that night.
I’d like to give Mandy the prom she deserves.
I’ve got a lot of work to do.
Chapter Thirteen
Mandy
Axel’s hand is wrapped tightly around mine as he leads me through to the media room at Pinnacle Arena.
