Page 57 of Haven't Killed in Years
“I won’t,” Natalie said, hoping it was true.
She unzipped her bag, but Gwen continued to pry. “What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?”
“None of your business.” Natalie sulked, pulling her pajamas from the bag.
“Good answer!” Gwen smiled. “Don’t tell anyone here anything. They’ll use it against you.”
Natalie yanked her scratchy sweater off over her head and threw on a softer sleep shirt. “Why areyouhere?” she asked.
“My parents died in a fire.”
“Did you set the fire?” Natalie knew better than to assume anything but the worst.
“No.” Gwen laughed.
Natalie went to take off her jeans and Gwen covered her eyes to extend a sense of privacy. “You’re my first roommate.”
“I’m not supposed to have a roommate,” Natalie admitted, pulling her pajama pants up and sitting back on the bed.
Gwen uncovered her eyes at the sound of the springs. “Why not?”
“I don’t know.” Natalie glanced down at her hands. “Something’s wrong with me.”
“Who told you that?” Again, Gwen didn’t wait for an answer. “My dad says most people have no idea what they’re talking about. They think they’re right about everything. He could tell when someone was full of crap right away. He was really good at it and I am too. And you seem pretty fine to me.”
The sentiment was pleasing to Natalie, but she knew better than to hope Gwen’s words were genuine, that this girl would see her differently.
“Why do you stare at your hands so much?” Gwen probed.
Natalie lifted her head, not realizing it was something she was doing or something to be noticed. Gwen’s face was gentle. She didn’t appear to be making fun of her. Natalie separated her hands. “Sorry.”
“Doesn’t bother me. Do you do it when you’re nervous or what?”
Natalie wasn’t sure what she was talking about. Then she found herself looking down again, rubbing her fingertips together, barely making contact, chasing the slightest friction between them.
“See?!” Gwen yelled. “You’re doing it again.”
Natalie picked her head up.
“No, don’t stop,” said Gwen. “Look at them again.”
Natalie was skeptical.
“Just do it. Come on, please.”
Natalie sighed and did as Gwen wanted.
“What do you feel doing that? Don’t lie.”
“I don’t know,” Natalie said to her hands. Then she was grazing her fingertips together again.
“And that?” Gwen asked. “That rubbing thing?”
“I don’t know!” Natalie shouted, frustrated. What was the point of this? She separated her fingertips and lay down on the hard mattress, flipping away from Gwen and tucking her hands under her face. She stared at the wall. It was too much.
The bed springs across the room creaked. Gwen’s feet made the subtlest scuff as they hit the floor. She had gotten out of her bed.What was she doing? Where was she going?Please, please, leave me alone, Natalie thought.
She rotated her head enough to see Gwen was standing next to her now, leaning over her bed. Natalie began to tense up. What was this girl going to do to her? What would Natalie do in return?
