Page 45 of Holly Jolly Heresy
“Deirdre O’Brough. The summer after I took my vows, she was visiting family for the summer. She had wild red curls and freckles like you’ve never seen before.” Father Murphy smiled, lost in the memory.
“What happened?”
“Nothing quite as interesting as you and your Molly. It was little more than a flirtation, one kiss behind the giant maple tree out back. And I tortured myself over it. How could I be so newly ordained and already a woman could turn my head?” Father Murphy handed Caleb his alb, watching him with that too-keenattention as the younger priest donned the garment. “I told my confessor, and do you know what he said?”
“What?”
“If you aren’t falling in love with someone at least once a decade, you aren’t trying hard enough to see God within them.” Father Murphy chuckled at Caleb’s shocked expression. “I think he may have been exaggerating a little so I would stop beating myself up over poor Deirdre, but in the end, he was right. I didn’t love her as a man loves a woman. I loved her because the presence of God within her was so visible. Right there on the surface. And so, at the end of the summer, we said our goodbyes.”
Caleb considered Father Murphy’s story as he draped the stole around his shoulders, making sure both ends were even and lying flat.
“Before you walk away from the work you’ve devoted twenty-five years of your life to, Father West, are you sure you love her for more than just the presence of God within her?”
He didn’t even need to think about it. “I am. I have tried not to love her,” he admitted with a sad tilt of his lips. “I must confess, though, Father, that even if I had been successful, it would still be time for me to leave. She reminded me of all the parts of myself I’ve been suppressing to fit what the Church has asked me to be, and now I see it, I can’t unsee it.”
“Then I suppose I can’t convince you to reconsider leaving us.” Father Murphy handed Caleb the hanger with his chasuble. The white and gold vestment was heavier than Caleb remembered.
Caleb hit the button on his computer that sent his resignation and formal request for laicization to the Bishop’s office, immediately feeling lighter. “This will be my last Mass, whether the Bishop is ready to grant me dispensation or not. Though I am sorry for leaving you to manage on your own until the Diocese sends you a new pastor.”
Father Murphy smiled. “We will manage, Father West. And my sister will be thrilled to hear me preach on Christmas Day.”
Caleb chuckled.
“And your Molly?” Father Murphy asked.
A familiar pang of longing wiped the smile from Caleb’s face.His Molly.Was she still his? “That may take some more time to sort out.”
“Far be it from me to tell you what to do, but if you will indulge me for just one more piece of advice tonight—remember Corinthians. Love is patient. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres,” Father Murphy said, clapping Caleb on the back. “And so must you, my friend.”
He knew Father Murphy was right, and yet he couldn’t help feeling unsettled.
It will be fine. She’ll come to Mass, you’ll go to dinner with your friends, and you’ll talk it all out. She got cold feet, that’s all. It will be fine.
But when Caleb took to the altar at St. Anthony’s for the last time and looked out over the congregation, Molly wasn’t there.
Chapter seventeen
“We have Chubby Hubby and Phish Food.” Jo held up two bowls of ice cream.
From her seat on the couch, Molly snuggled deeper under the chenille blanket. “I can’t decide. You pick.”
“As if I’d make you choose,” Jo scoffed. She handed a bowl to Molly. “You’ve got two scoops of each.”
Molly gratefully accepted the bowl, swirling her spoon to get just the right combination of peanut butter and caramel in one bite. On the TV,While You Were Sleepingplayed, Bill Pullman giving Sandra Bullock his iconic speech about the implications of leaning in during a conversation. Jo flopped down on the couch next to her, digging her freezing cold toes under one edge of the blanket.
She really was the best friend. Jo had taken one look at Molly when she returned home from St. Anthony’s and sent a nonsensical message to the group chat calling off their last-minute shopping spree. Instead, she’d thrown the blanket at Molly and placed an order for the largest, cheesiest pizza on thePizza Stone’s menu and two pints of the hard stuff: Ben and Jerry’s.
Jo nudged Molly with her toe. “So, are you going to tell me what happened?”
“Nothing happened.”
“Bullshit. Molly Marie Proulx—”
“That’s not my middle name.”
“—Something happened in that cabin.”
Heat crept up her throat. “Let’s just watch the movie.”
