Page 29 of Now or Never
“If you wanna chat, you should get up. There’s a delegation arriving in an hour, and it’d be good if you’re cleaned up and presentable.”
She huffed. “With any luck, I’ll throw up on someone’s shoe.”
“That wouldn’t go well for you.” He didn’t look at her as he shifted out of his crouch and held out his hand. “Time to get up.”
She wanted to throw the drink in his face. Or kick him in the shins. But it felt like all the energy had drained from her limbs. When she needed the fighting spirit, it wasn’t there. Kenna had always thought she was the kind who’d go down fighting. Kicking and screaming to the bitter end. Instead, it seemed like when the time came to fight, she couldn’t do it.
She looked at his hand. “If I don’t have the ability to get up on my own, then I have no business on my feet.”
He grunted and stepped back.
She just didn’t want to touch him. Or have him touch her.
Kenna braced her hand on the wall and got to her feet, her body sluggish. She’d eaten breakfast, and now it was in the toilet. She could use a cup of coffee because that always made her feel better, but it “wasn’t good for the baby.” She wanted to hold a steaming mug and inhale the scent of familiarity. Of the RV, and Jax nearby. Even Jolene, their cat.
The rest of it, she couldn’t even think about, or she’d break down again.
Instead, she got dressed in clean clothes and two pairs of socks in the canvas shoes, brushed her teeth, and followed the orderly out to the hall. Pasthisroom. He looked out the frosted glass at her with those dead eyes.
Kenna pulled her attention from him. They’d made it clear he wasn’t to touch her, but she got the feeling that only made her a more alluring target than if they’d said nothing to him.
Two levels above, up the metal stairwell to the open-air floor. The railing went all the way around the platform, and she was willing to admit she’d considered jumping. When they allowed it, she walked laps of the place, going in squares around and around until she thought the monotony would drive her crazy. Trying to exorcise the thoughts and images they’d put in her mind the day before.
She would withstand this.
She had to.
But already, she could feel who she was slipping away. The cracks in her were developing into fissures and widening.Dominatuswas leaking into the open spaces inside her, and it almost seemed like they would fill her up until that was all she was.
No.
She looked at the sky, as if God was up there watching down on her. All she could see was clouds. Maybe He didn’t care. Or this torture was “necessary” for some reason. Kenna didn’t have the ability to grasp any concept that would help her. All the reassurances she could think of sounded like hollow platitudes to her mind.
Above the walkway around the perimeter was a flat roof that drained the rainwater between the walkway and the sides of the building so it looked like the whole place was crying every timeafter it had rained. Or she was. Kenna didn’t want to be dramatic about the despair, but it felt like her soul was crying.
A helicopter landed up there.
The orderly took her to the stairs.
“I don’t have a coat,” she complained, “and it’s freezing up there with the wind.”
“He asked to see you as soon as he gets here.”
Kenna stepped to the side and leaned against the bottom of these stairs, the ones that led up to the helicopter landing pad. She folded her arms, tucking the sweater tight around her, and stared out at the ocean. But wishing for all the things she couldn’t have wasn’t going to fix her situation.
If she felt God here with her, she would still be here. She needed rescue, or another way out. Not hollow comfort that didn’t change anything.
Moments later, the orderly turned and walked away, but she wasn’t alone.
Kenna watched the group of half a dozen come down the stairs—Dr.Buzard and a couple of his staff members in their lab coats because that somehow made them important. The man in the center of the group had two burly security guys in suits with earpieces behind him.
He stopped in front of her. “I’ve been so eager to meet you.”
She assessed him, trying to find fault in his face. Remembering when she’d met a senator who was part ofDominatuswho’d decided she was going to marry him. Until she killed him.
She stared him down. “I’d return the sentiment, but it wouldn’t be true.”
The blow came out of nowhere, an open hand palm strike that clapped her on the cheek and sent her to her knees.
