Page 11 of Now or Never
He said nothing at first.
“Jax.”
“It’s enough to know you did as well.”
And yet she hadn’t shared with him any more than he had with her.
He said, “Don’t worry about me, okay? You’re safe. We’re together.” He pulled in a full breath and blew it out slowly. “I need a way to combat the fear, and getting in the Word this morning helped a lot. I’ve got a call later with a couple of my Bible study guys.” He reached over and squeezed her knee. “I’m okay.”
“Still, you want a way to take them down so it’s finally over.” She ignored the sick feeling in her stomach and tried not to think about her faith and the way it had slipped from her heart in the middle of all that fear and the pain.
The fear seemed to have taken up residence in her life instead, in a permanent way. She couldn’t seem to shake it. And how could she, when this was far from over?
“You want this to be done, and I want another muffin.”
She didn’t really but wanted to move this conversation back to something safer. And if she couldn’t eat a double chocolate muffin in the second trimester of pregnancy, then when on earth was she supposed to be able to eat one? This was exactly the time to enjoy herself and not care about calories. Plus, Jax had fed her potatoes, egg, and cheese for breakfast, so this was a totally valid pre-lunch snack.
“I want a way to guarantee your safety,” he said. “That probably means we have to take them all down in one go.”
“There’s no way to do that.”
“As far as you know. Which means we haven’t found the solution yet.”
Kenna wanted to share his optimism, but she couldn’t see how they’d be able to take down the entireDominatusorganization and keep their baby safe in the process. She wasn’t about to watch him go off to battle with a dangerous enemy and stay behind. Even if their friends went with him as backup, shecould still either lose him to the fight or she would become a pawn in the middle of it all.
Kenna swallowed a mouthful of water. She’d thought about hot chocolate, but with the muffin, that was too much of a good thing. “Promise me something.”
“As far as it’s within my power to do it.”
She figured that was a decent way to approach the whole balance of marriage. But wasn’t sure he’d want to make the promise once she said what it was.
Down the street, a school bus turned onto the road and immediately stopped.
“Morning class but not afternoon?” she wondered aloud.
The first child got off the bus, and Jax said, “Looks like preschool or Kindergarten.”
“They’re so cute.”
“So cute you forgot what you were going to say?”
“Fine.” She sighed. “Maizie offered to turn a photo of you and me into a composite of what our child might look like.”
“Sounds terrifying.”
She managed to find a smile.
“What am I promising?”
Kenna reached over and found his hand, lacing her fingers with his the way she had in the early hours of the morning when she needed that connection as well as the feeling of him surrounding her. The man who slept between her and the door, so that any threats would reach him first. “That if you do figure out a solution, you won’t leave to go finish it.”
“I won’t put you in harm’s way.”
They didn’t need to rehash that conversation. The one where she pointed out that danger was everywhere, and at least out here solving cases, they were aware of the potential threat enough to manage situations.
The idea was to not go stir-crazy in the RV, on their admittedly gorgeous land, spending the rest of their lives wasting away from inactivity. There would be seasons in their lives when they could do that, like after the baby was born. But until then, she had to stay active.
“And because I won’t put you in harms’ way,” he continued, “the only solution is to allowDominatusto continue and for us to do nothing about them. Live and let live. Always wondering when they’ll show up to steal our child from us. Or tear us apart some other way. Knowing they’re destroying lives, and we knew and didn’t stop them.”
