Page 53 of The Honeymoon Hack
God, I wanted her. Had wanted her for so long.
The climax hit suddenly, and I came with a bitten-off groan, clenching my free hand against the tiles. For a few seconds, my mind was at peace, full of the memory of falling asleep last night with her in my arms.
I leaned my forehead against the wall. The release had helped—my body finally relaxed, the constant edge of arousal gone. But the emptiness that replaced it was worse somehow.
This wasn’t what I wanted.
I wantedher. Not my own hand in a shower while she pretended nothing had happened between us. Not her tensing at my touch like I’d burned her.
At least now I could think clearly enough to deal with the actual crisis: Claire.
But when I returned to the bedroom in my sleep shorts, Brie had already settled under the covers, hugging the far edge of the mattress. I slipped in on the opposite side, acutely aware of the expanse of sheets between us.
I turned out my bedside light and stared up into the darkness, listening to Brie’s breathing. She wasn’t asleep. She was pretending in order to avoid further conversation.
“Brie?” I whispered.
“Yeah?”
“About this morning…” I paused, trying to find the right words. Telling her I wanted her was probably not the right move. “On the beach this morning, when we?—”
“I am so sorry.” Her voice was tight. “I was trying to sell it for Claire, but it came off all weird, didn’t it?”
Weird?
“I was trying to pretend I was kissing Shawn, and that got awkward?—”
They’d broken up, hadn’t they? Almost a year ago. She was thinking of him?Thatwas why she seemed so into it? It wasn’t me?
“—and then the practical heat stroke.” She puffed out a sharp breath. “It was a lot hotter up top than I was expecting.”
“Are you sure?—”
“Undercover’s kinda stressful, I know.” She was babbling. She always did when she was embarrassed. “But it worked, so I guess it was worth it?”
Worth it? It was all I could think about.
She was avoiding the subject, but I didn’t say it. What if she was telling the truth about Shawn, and the babbling was because she was embarrassed she was still hung up on her ex, and not embarrassed about kissing me?
I couldn’t respond, so let silence fill the room. This whole Mnemis job was a bloody disaster. And I’d left my mother alone for this. Because I selfishly wanted a break.
My mother’s vacant expression mingled with all the other memories. The way she sometimes looked through me rather than at me. She was fading before my eyes, and I was helpless to stop it.
I could fix anything.
Except my mother.
And my father? Gone without warning.
The heart attack stole him before I could say goodbye, before I could tell him all the things I’d assumed there’d be time for.
And wasn’t that what I’d been doing with Brie for years? Assuming we’d have time later? Accepting fragments of what could be a whole, like her friendship, her trust, the easy way weworked together. All of it precious, all of it real. But still just pieces of what we could have.
Just as I had only fragments of my mother left.
I was tired of waiting for later.
But what if saying something drove her away completely? What if I lost even the fragments by reaching for the whole?
