Page 70 of Things We Fake
I didn’t know the number, but answered anyway. “Hello?”
“Good morning, beautiful,” said a male voice with a thick Indian accent.
I rolled my eyes. “Sorry, wrong number.”
I had the phone halfway to the nightstand when the voice said, “Is this not Susanne?”
I frowned. “Yeah, but—Who is this?”
“My name is Rajesh. I like hotdogs, American football, and blondes with big hooters.”
What the hell?
“Where did you get my phone number?”
“From your ad.”
“My ad? What ad?”
“Your ad onWhiteGirlsSeekIndyDick.com.Hot teacher in search of cute cocoa buns. Nothing is off limits.”He sounded impatient.
I was speechless, groping for words like a fish out of water. “I didn’t—”
“Listen, I know girls like to play coy, but I only have a few minutes before I have to go to work. Do you want to get together tonight? I promise I’ll show you a good time.”
I rubbed a hand over my face, forcing myself to wake up.
“Here’s the thing, Rajesh. This must be some mistake. I didn’t put up any ad. I’m not sure what happened, but I’m not… er, seeking any kind of… romance at the moment. Please don’t call this number again.”
I ended the call and sat staring at my phone. What the hell had just happened? How had it happened? Couldthis be a wrong number kind of situation? But he knew my name, and that I was a teacher. Was this some twisted practical joke? Would any of the girls play such a joke on me? No, they wouldn’t. We all had our limits, and this was way beyond any of mine. No one I knew would do something like this.
I opened my laptop and accessed WhiteGirlsSeekIndyDick.com. Dear Lord, strike me blind now! It was a dating site with no boundaries whatsoever. People posted photos of all kinds, from your average mug shot to your less average dick pic. And in this Babylon I had to find an ad for a hot teacher named Susanne. Piece of cake.
I browsed for a while, then ran out of time and had to get ready for work. To top it all off, the school’s eyes would be on me today. Surely some of them had read the newspaper, and had brought it to school for those who hadn’t. How did my life get so complicated? I thought almost fondly of the time, just two days ago, when I was blissfully single, not sporting an absurdly expensive sapphire ring on my finger, and a fake fiancé to boot. Life was simpler.
I took a quick shower, applied some makeup, and pulled my hair back in my usual military bun. As I was drinking my second cup of coffee at top speed, I scanned the dating website some more. I was ready to give up and run out the door when I saw the infamous ad.
Hot teacher in search of cute cocoa buns. Nothing is off limits.
Next to it was a photo of a blonde woman in a black skimpy outfit that left little to the imagination.
“Holy shit!”
I squinted at the pic. It wasn’t me, but it also wasn’t… not me. It looked like she could have been me. It was taken from semi-profile, and she was wearing a black lace mask. She could have been a million blonde women, including me.
Who the hell would do this? I didn’t even have time to ponder this question because my second alarm shrilled, and I was out the door in a minute. I couldn’t be late today, on top of everything else. I had to sort out this mess later, and I had no idea how I was going to get started.
While I was on the train, two more men called me in response to ‘my ad.’ By the time I got to school, I was close to tears. I entered the building via the teachers’ entrance and headed to the staffroom where Irma and several others were crowded around an open newspaper.
“There she is,” Irma cried. “No wonder you needed my smock last week. Tell me it’s the same man. He’s so handsome, a god among men. Do you think he would pose for me? I would love to sculpt him. I can imagine the symmetry of his muscles...”
So this is what a forty-year-old teenager mooning over a rock star looks like.
She took my hand and held it up, showing off the sapphire ring to a chorus of oohs and aahs. Even Mrs. West offered me her congratulations when she stopped by to tell me that she was satisfied with Cam’s solution to the slight conflict of interest. I looked forward to hearing what that had cost him.
I was surprised by how well behaved Luke was in English class that day. He didn’t say a thing about his uncle or the alleged wedding. After class, he stayedbehind and explained. His mom had said that if other kids in the class realized I was going to be his aunt, they might think he was going to be teacher’s pet, and he didn’t want that. He had an image to maintain, so if it was okay with me, he intended to keep our relationship professional at school. I agreed, secretly thanking Carley for that. Whether he liked it or not, Luke would have a special spot in my heart from now on, although what that would look like next year was anyone’s guess.
As if I didn’t have enough things to stress about already, I was worried about the meeting with Cam and Mrs. West. How was I supposed to behave? Like a professional? I was Cam’s fiancée. How friendly would he expect me to be? And to top it all off, Mrs. West and the other staff members would be watching us like hawks. One wrong move could expose all our lies.
