Page 89 of Things We Fake
“Not just spices. Oils, vinegars, teas.” He reached for his coffee. “Your cupboards were chaos, Sue. It was a crime against efficiency.”
“I hope you realize I’ll never find anything ever again.”
“Sure you will.” He winked. “You just have to think like me.”
“God help me.”
I shook my head and took another bite of eggs, deciding to let it slide. His food was like a drug—it mellowed me out and made me happy.
“So.” I pointed my fork at him. “What do I need to know about your mom and sister? I’d rather not walk into this dinner blind.”
Cam’s lips twitched. “Hmm. Let’s see. Becky’s a nurse, loves hiking, and has absolutely no concept of privacy or personal space.”
I frowned. “What does that mean?”
“She’s a menace. Ask her one innocent question, and she’ll tell you everything, with more details than you ever want to know. And she’ll ask for the same level of information. She’s the girl who doesn’t close the bathroom door and can’t keep a secret if her life depends on it.”
“Great. Let’s hope she doesn’t figure out ours,” I muttered. “And your mom?”
“She’s a psychologist.”
I inhaled sharply and immediately regretted it, as a piece of egg lodged itself in my throat. I coughed, gasping for air while Cam thumped me on the back with all the helpfulness of a malfunctioning CPR dummy.
“A what?” I wheezed between coughs.
“A psychologist.” He said it so casually, as though he wasn’t dropping the single most horrifying piece of information I’d heard in my entire life.
“And you thought now was the right time to tell me this?”
He returned to his chair, lips twitching. “Would there have been a better time?”
“Yes! Like before we stumbled into this fake engagement. Before I knew I had to sit across from a trained human bullshit detector and pretend you and I are in a committed relationship.”
Cam leaned back in his chair. His voice was maddeningly calm. “Wearein a committed relationship.”
My heart softened, the panic subsiding slightly. The words hit differently in daylight—no longer a joke, but a promise I hadn’t realized I was waiting for. Damn, the man could disarm me. He’d told me what I wanted to hear without making me ask.
“Not for several months,” I mumbled.
“She’s not going to ask for technical details. Relax, okay? Just don’t make eye contact for too long. She can sense fear.”
I dropped my head into my hands. “Oh my God, this is going to be an even bigger disaster than I thought. I can’t lie to a psychologist. She’ll see right through me. She’ll take one look at me and know I’m a fraud.”
“Not necessarily. She might just think you have commitment issues. Or an intense fear of intimacy. Or maybe unresolved childhood trauma.”
I perked up a little. “You know, she might believe that after meeting my family. Anyone would have traumas growing up with that lot. What kind of psychologist is your mom? Like, marriage and family? Criminal minds?”
He chuckled, pushing his empty plate aside. “Mostly family and couples’ therapy. She does some individual counseling too.”
“Wonderful. So not only can she sense my fear, she’ll also diagnose our entire fake relationship within five minutes.”
“She’ll try,” Cam said, grinning. “But she’s been dying for me to settle down. As long as you don’t confess to being a Russian spy or a serial arsonist, I think we’re good.”
I exhaled slowly. “Great. She’ll be psychoanalyzing my every move.”
He reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “Sue, it’s going to be fine. Just be yourself.”
I narrowed my eyes. “That’s exactly what I’ve been avoiding and how we got into this situation in the first place.”
