Page 79 of Make You Wish You Were Dead
"And who is he? Which girl?"
"Apparently you fucked my mother a few times even after I was born."
"Lilith? Really?" I nod my head. "Well, then he has to be like you right?"
"Well, knowing Lilith let's hope he is somewhat like me and not doing any drugs. I'm not going to be taking care of him if he is doing that shit. I'll send him to fucking rehab before I let that happen."
Lilith killed herself years ago. She was addicted to drugs and had an overdose. My father would have sex with her just so she could get drugs from him.
"Tell me about him. Would I like him as I like you?"
"Probably. He has some things to work on, but we'll get there."
It quiets for a few more minutes before he talks again.
"So, what do you plan on doing, Rowan? I mean after I am dead, the mafia won't have assassins anymore. What will happen?"
"I'm going to run my own organization."
"I knew you would make me proud, Rowan." He gives me a weak smile again.
"I don't know if you remember this or not, dad, but there is a reason why I despise you so much. I try not to think about it because if I do, I'll lose myself." My dad furrows his eyebrows. "April 12th. I will never forget that date. That's the day I started to truly hate you."
"What did I do now?"
"I was around ten, maybe eleven. You thought I was sleeping that night, but I was wide awake." My father's eyes widen a little bit and as much as I try to not think about that night my mind goes back to it.
"You're so fucking hot, Rowan," Dad said at the same time I feel him touch my leg.
"I was lying in bed, and you came into my room, and you started to touch my legs."
"I want to play with you so bad Rowan."
Him touching me flashes through my mind as I try to forget about those nights. "At first I didn't realize what you were doing. I didn't know what grinding was or dry humping until I got older and when I finally figured it out, I swear to fucking god himself, I was laughing so hard."
I felt dad start to rub himself against me, going back and forth. I tried to move away from him, but he pinned my hands to the bed. I knew that if I moved, he would punish me.
I didn't want to be punished. I hated his punishments.
I finally focus back on my dad. "At that age, I also started to notice when women or men weren't consenting. I understood what the fuck happened when I was ten years old. I just couldn't believe that my own father would do that."
And for the first time in forever, I see a tear fall from my dad's eyes.
Christian Valentino cries. "I'm sorry Rowan, you were never meant to know."
"I don't care. I don't care about your apologies anymore. They are useless. There is one thing I do want to know. I have debated whether or not I wanted to ask you but I need to know." My father’s eyes are filled with tears, and he whimpers. "Did you ever fully go through with it. Did you ever have the guts to rape me like you did with all of those other people?"
My father’s sobs fill the air and that only confirms what I know. I try to ignore how disgusting I feel and focus on Jane. I am doing this for her.
"I didn’t mean to Rowan-"
"The things you did to me are not forgivable and I hope you go to hell for all of the sins you’ve done."
Mothers and fathers are meant to love their children unconditionally. I wasn’t very lucky when it came to that.
My mother died when I was young, and my father ruined me.
I allow the negative emotions to pour down my throat as I swallow down my pain. It causes a burn—similar to acid scorching my throat.
