Page 13 of Blinded By Forever
“I told you, I’m handling something for Killian. It shouldn’t be long before this is all done. It’s temporary.”
“Temporary?” I raise an eyebrow at him. “That’s always what you tell me. But when is this temporary shit going to make you see that it’s also putting us in danger? Did you forget what happened? Did you forget what I had to go through?”
His eyes darken. “Don’t bring that up.”
“I will bring it up, Hayden, because the shit you’re in right now is way worse than it was with Eric and Marco because this time it’s the Mafia and you have three children living under your roof!”
“I knew I should’ve never fucking told you.” He shakes his head.
“And lie to me?”
“If I lied to you, at least I’d be somewhat protecting you. It’s better when you don’t know anything. You think I want this? That I want to walk around with blood on my hands?” he shouts, his voice echoing off the walls.
I stare at him, my heart pounding hard in my chest.
How did we even get here?
How did it get this bad?
We were doing fine.
“I’m not mad that you’re bleeding, Hayden. I’m mad that you didn’t think I could handle the wounds. I don’t care what the reasons are. I care that you’re pulling away from us, from me.” I point to my chest. “Imaging how I feel when the kids ask me where their father constantly is. You’re making me feel exactly how I felt when you first started doing this shit, Hayden, and I can only take so much.” He steps forward but I step back. “I can’t do this tonight. I’m tired of how many fucking times I have to tell you.”
I turn and go up the stairs, not waiting for his reply.
Behind me I hear him punch a wall and I swear I felt that punch in my heart as a sob breaks through. I don’t look back or go downstairs.
I climb into bed and pull the blanket over my body even though I know sleep won’t come easy.
This isn't the first time I’ve felt alone in this house but somehow it still hurts just as much.
Seven
Hayden
When I openmy eyes I see Jaclyn’s back to me. Her bare shoulder peeking from beneath the sheets like an invitation I didn’t deserve.
The room was quiet but birds were chirping from the open window. I can hear her OMI-Pod clicking as it delivers insulin to her body.
She got on the OMI-Pod a few years ago and it’s been a life changer for her. She still uses the shots whenever she can’t refill her prescription for the pod but her blood sugars are a lot better ever since she started using that device.
After I cleaned myself up last night and washed the blood off my hands, I slid into bed next to her and pulled her close to me. She was sleeping so she turned around and snuggled into me as if I didn’t make her cry. I held her like she was mine, but the truth is, I broke her in ways I can’t fix.
I stare at her longer than I should’ve. Her face was turned slightly in the pillow, her eyes puffy from crying and lips parted.
“Your job or whatever you’re doing with Killian and Rowan, you’re cheating on me with that because for some reason, the Hayden I fell in love with, isn’t coming home.”
Her words echo in my head as I drag my hand down my face and slip out of the bed, careful not to wake her up.
I go to the bathroom and get ready for the day quickly. I put ointment on my hands and dress in black jeans and a shirt.
Before I leave the bedroom I take one last look at Jaclyn and my heart clenches.
How did it all get down to this? How did we get so far from each other?
It’s because of me.
I open the bedroom door and leave Jaclyn to sleep while I get the kids ready for school.
