Page 14 of Blinded By Forever
Fear creeps up my neck as I think about the future.
Fear that I’m screwing this up, again.
When I get to the kitchen, Junior is sitting at the table, slouched over a bowl of cereal, tapping his spoon against the edge of the bowl in a steady rhythm.
He looks up at me with too-old eyes. I didn’t realize how fast he’s growing up until now.
As he stares at me like I’m guilty of something.
And I am.
I wish I never started helping Killian again.
“You and mom were yelling last night.”
I pause, not because I didn’t expect it, but because I have no idea how to answer that without lying to my son.
And I was tired of lying and letting Jaclyn take the heat for everything I’m doing. “Yea.” I move towards the coffee machine. “We were.”
“Are you guys gonna get a divorce?” he asks, straight up.
The mug in my hands almost slips. “What? No. Jesus, Junior.”
“You sounded like you hated each other.”
As I look at Junior I notice how scared he looks. My heart twists, sharp and sick.
“I don’t hate your mom.” I rest the coffee mug on the counter and walk over to him. “I could never hate your mom. I love her but sometimes we fight. I wish you hadn’t heard that but I promise you it doesn’t mean that we’re not okay. You hear me?” Junior nods slowly but I can tell my explanation wasn’t good enough. “We’re gonna be okay. I’m just doing something you’re mom doesn’t like.”
“Then why don’t you stop?”
“It’s hard. The work I’m in doesn’t allow me to leave so easily but I’m going to try.” I put my hand on his shoulder. “For you, for your brother and your sister. Most importantly for your mom.”
He nods again and looks down at his cereal bowl like it betrayed him for turning soggy. I ruffle his hair and go to make coffee.
Easton comes in ten minutes later demanding pancakes. I make a quick batch for him, Junior, and an extra two for River and Jaclyn for when they come down for breakfast.
After they are finished eating, they clean up and do their dishes. By the time we leave the house, Jaclyn hasn’t come downstairs and River is still sleeping, surprisingly. I debated going upstairs to check on Jaclyn but I know if I did I wouldn’t want to leave.
The boys decide to take the M4 out today. Junior calls shotgun and Easton pouts but goes in the backseat.
Their school isn’t that far, only about a ten minute drive.
After I drop them off I drive straight to Killian’s house. The estate is quiet when I pull up which is odd since his house is always always alive with Luna’s laughter.
When I walk in, Luna’s toys are scattered on the floor and the smell of coffee brewing fills my senses.
I walk towards Killian’s office.
He’s holding a cup of coffee and a phone against his ear as he paces the room back and forth. He looks up at me and immediately hangs up and gestures for me to sit down.
I sit in front of his desk and he comes around to sit in his chair. “I need you to go to California.”
“No,” I say without hesitation.
Killian raises an eyebrow at me. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. I’m not going to California. This shit is pulling me away from my family.”
