Page 18 of Blinded By Forever
When I open the door softly, Jaclyn is sitting on the bed with her legs crossed, wearing one of my old t-shirts and a sad look on her face as she types on her laptop.
She doesn’t look up at me as I close the door behind me.
“Hey,” I say as I take off my shoes.
Nothing.
Her fingers tap against the keys, but slower now. More like she is pretending to focus.
I unzip my jacket and let it fall onto the bench. I move towards the bathroom and catch myself in the mirror. Messy hair from how many times I’ve run my hand through it. My hands scraped with blood from the wounds that reopened.
“You’re bleeding again.” Her voice finally breaks the silence. I don’t answer right away. I just walk towards the bathroom and start washing away the blood. “Hayden.”
“I’m fine,” I mutter.
“That’s not what I asked.” I look up and she is now standing, laptop shut and forgotten. Her arms are crossed over her chest and her eyes are locked on mine like she is trying not to lose her shit. “You said this would stop,” her voice trembles with controlled anger. “After the last time… after the last time I would expect you to learn your lesson about coming home like that.”
“It’s from yesterday. I didn’t do anything today-”
“But what’s going to be your excuse when it does happen again? When one of the kids sees the blood on your hands?”
“They won’t. I told Killian I’m done but I have to do one last job in California-”
“You’re leaving?” she asks, her voice cracking, making me look at her.
Her eyes are wide. “I didn’t say-”
“You didn’t have to.” She laughs coldly and shakes her head. “God, Hayden. We just started to fix things last week. Things started to feel normal but then you leave practically all day. You end up seeing Killian more than the kids and I. And now you want to run away to another state to play mafia cleanup?”
“You think I want this?” I snap, turning off the tap. “You think I like sneaking around and coming home in someone else’s blood? You think I don’t hate lying to you?”
“Then stop!” she yells. “Stop choosing him over us!”
“I’m not choosing him,” I groan and walk closer to her. “I’m just trying to protect you.”
“By pushing me away?” she shoots back. “By making me lie to our kids about where their father is every single night? That’s not protection Hayden, that’s abandonment with a prettier coat.” Her words cut deep, deeper than I wanted to admit. I stare at her, at the flush in her cheeks and the fire in her eyes, the pain beneath it all. “I told you before and I hope this is the last time I tell you but you’re making me feel like I’m not enough for you Hayden. It’s like you don’t love me anymore.”
I furrow my eyebrows and walk up to her, putting my hands on her face. “I do love you, what are you talking about?”
Tears form in her eyes and she backs away from me. “The Hayden I loved, wouldn’t make me feel this way,” she whispers. “I hate this. I hate who you’ve become when you’re with him.”
And that’s when I snap.
I grab her by the waist and yank her against me, kissing her hard, not soft or gentle. It was messy and angry and laced with everything we didn’t know how to say without starting a war. She fights at first, shoving at my chest and trying to push me away but her fingers curl into my shirt and pull me closer.
We’re both breathing hard from the sudden shift and the echo of our argument in the air still. I should’ve just walked away and let us both cool down. But the second I saw fire in her eyes, red, rimmed, furious, and fucking beautiful, I snapped and couldn’t control myself.
I need to feel her and have her in my arms and remind myself that she’s still mine, I still have her.
She shoves me hard. “You think you can come home like that and just pretend it’s fine?”
“No,” I mutter, my voice low and rough. I back her into the wall and cage her there with my hands on either side of her head. “I think I need to shut you up before we both start saying things we’ll regret.”
“Fuck you,” she spits.
I grab her face and kiss her like I’m starving. Like her mouth is the only thing that can burn away the rot and poison inside of me.
“You’re so goddamn stubborn,” I groan against her lips. “Maybe I need to fuck the attitude out of you.”
