Page 21 of Blinded By Forever
“Then maybe you shouldn’t have made the same fucking choices that got us here.”
His jaw tenses. “I’m doing this to protect-”
“Don’t,” I say again. “Don’t pull the protection card. Not after everything we’ve talked about. You’re not protecting us, you’re protecting him. He’s just using us to make it seem like you have no choice and you know that.”
He steps closer, cautiously. “I’ll call. I’ll check in every day,” he promises.
“Will you?” My voice cracks.
“Princess.”
Tears slip down before I can stop them, hot, furious, and bitter.
“I can’t keep doing this,” I whisper. “I can’t keep watching you walk out like this. With blood on your hands and secrets in your pockets. I hate you for leaving.”
His face breaks. “I know.”
I step forward and grab his hoodie, yanking him down and kissing him like I’m trying to drown the ache. His hands grip my hips, holding me tighter than he should’ve, like it physically hurts to let go.
I pull away first. “Come back to me,” I whisper. “Really come back. Not the half-alive version of you that’s been showing up lately.”
He nods his head, and presses his forehead against mine. “I will.”
I want to believe him, I do.
But it’s so hard when I’m so used to the Hayden who keeps leaving and not coming back with the Hayden I know and fell in love with.
He kisses my forehead before grabbing his bags from the floor. “I love you, princess.”
“I love you, too,” I say it back, because I know that there is a possibility he won’t come back.
There always is.
Eleven
Jaclyn
It’s only been a day.
Twenty four hours to be exact.
It’s still loud in the house with the kids but it feels like something is missing.
For weeks, months, something has been missing and that’s just Hayden.
I’ve been keeping myself busy today.
Cleaning, folding clothes, writing a little bit while the kids were at school, and taking River to the park.
The kids were my anchor, my distraction.
In the past I didn’t want kids. I felt like having kids was going to be such a huge responsibility that I wasn’t ready for.
I was barely able to take care of myself when I first had Junior.
I could barely take care of myself so how was I supposed to take care of kids?
I picked Junior and Easton up from school a few hours ago. I’m cooking dinner while they are in the living room.
