Page 8 of Blinded By Forever
I leave his room and go to check on Easton who heard Jaclyn and I yelling.
When I open the door and look inside I notice his bed is full.
My stomach sinks as I see Jaclyn holding Easton in the little twin sized bed, holding our son like he was the last bit of peace she had left. I walk closer to them and notice her tear stained cheeks and that her eyes are puffy.
My heart fucking breaks.
All I could think about when I left was how I made her feel.
I made her feel like she wasn’t enough, like she needed to be better or look better and that’s the worst feeling especially after knowing everything she went through.
Jaclyn went through hell and back and she did it all alone when I should have been there for her. She’s there for everyone but when is someone going to be there for her?
I was supposed to be the person she can hold onto and always go to whenever things are too hard to carry. I was supposed tobe there to help her through everything and I ended up being the thing she started crying about.
I move quietly and pick her up, the way I have hundreds of times before.
She stirs against me. “H-Hayden?”
“Yea, it’s me,” I whisper as I carry her out of the room and close the door behind me.
Her arms loop lazily around my neck as I carry her back to our room. She doesn’t protest, just sighs and rests her head against my chest, like even half asleep, she needed me close.
I lay her down on the bed and sit beside her, brushing her hair away from her face. She looks at me, half asleep but slowly waking up. “I’m sorry I made you feel like that. That’s the last thing I want to make you feel.”
“Then why did you?”
I sigh before raking my fingers through my hair. “I didn’t realize that I was pushing you away while trying to also protect you.”
“You need to stop doing that.” Jaclyn sits up and wraps the blanket around her. “I’ve survived the worst, Hayden. All I need is you, all I want is you. The only reason I was able to survive what I did is because I knew you were waiting for me but what’s the point of you protecting me or us when you won’t be there afterwards?” I look at her, really look at her and see what she’s carrying. The weight of another possible lie, the weight of taking care of the kids by herself when I’m not here. “You’ve been lying to me. We’re supposed to be partners Hayden and tell each other things but it feels like I’ve been doing all this by myself.”
“I know, I’m sorry. Killian... he’s having some issues and he needs me to help.”
“Will you helping him cause me to lose you though? You have your own family and that should always come first.”
I rest my hand on her knee. “I know, princess. I’m sorry. It’s just...” I sigh and rake my hands through my hair again. “It’s just that I needed a break and Killian was there and I got in too deep again with the wrong people. Now he needs help and I couldn’t say no.” Her face falls but she doesn’t interrupt. “Someone’s been stealing from him. He wants me to handle it and figure it out. I didn’t want to because I knew what this would mean.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me the truth instead of lying to me? You think I like telling the kids that I don’t know where you are? They aren’t blind, they see what’s happening too.”
“I know,” I say, my voice low. “I thought I’d lose you if I told you. I thought it would drive a wedge between us.”
She reaches for my hand, threading her fingers through mine. “You don’t lose me by telling the truth, you lose me by keeping secrets.”
I pull her closer and rest my forehead against hers. “It’s just this one last thing. Once I help him figure it out, I’m done. I swear.”
Her breaths hitch and for a long second, we just sit there in the silence between heartbeats.
Then Jaclyn leans forward and kisses me.
Soft, slow, like a quiet forgiveness.
I cup her face, deepening the kiss, letting everything I couldn’t say bleed through my hands, my mouth.
I trail one of my hands down her body and hold her thigh, grabbing her to pull her onto my lap.
Her legs wrap around me and my hands start to slowly slide under her shirt as the kiss turns hungry, desperate, like we were making up for every second lost to silence.
I grab her shirt and rip it off her. I lean down and take her nipple in my mouth. She holds my head against her chest as she grinds into me, my erection growing hard beneath her. I lick andsuck her nipple in my mouth. She grips my hair in her hands and moans.
