Page 11 of Blinded By Forever
By the time I finish the third chapter of the day, I hear a faint scream from upstairs and a sound coming from River’s baby monitor.
I look at the time and see it’s been a good two hours. I lost track of time.
I get off the couch and run upstairs towards her room, almost slipping from turning the corner. I turn on the lights in her room and look at her face.
She is sitting up in bed, face red, tears streaking down her cheeks. She looks terrified–like the kind of scared that only a nightmare can pull from a toddler.
“Hi, baby,” I whisper as I lean down to grab her into my arms.
Her fingers cling onto my shirt. “Mommy,” she sobs, hiccuping. “Bad bird...”
My heart clenches.
She’s definitely my kid because one fear I never got over when I was a kid was birds. I’m absolutely terrified of them, always will be.
“I’ve got you, River. You’re safe.”
She tucks her head under my chin and her tears soak the fabric of my shirt. I rock her gently and sit down on the floor with her in my arms.
I stay there for a while, just holding her and humming softly.
When I was pregnant with River, she was my first girl so I was worried. I thought I was going to be like my mother and that was a worry I mentioned to Hayden.
Hayden reassured me that I was a great mom to Easton and Junior and I was going to be an even greater mom to River.
I never thought I would love these kids as much as I love myself but I do. They are all I think about and I can’t imagine what I would do if someone were to hurt them.
That’s why I think I’m so strict about Hayden being here because I want to experience this with him and if he’s out helping Killian, there is always a possibility of death for him and I can’t afford to lose him.
Only reason I’m where I’m at today is because of him.
Six
Jaclyn
It’shard to enjoy dinner when I know it’s starting again.
River is laughing and making a mess per usual, Easton is trying to tell me about his day at school, and Junior has the same look I have in my eyes as he constantly looks down the hallway to where the front door is, wondering if his dad is going to show up or not for another family dinner he missed this week.
We were doing good, I don’t know what happened or how we got here.
I’m feeling the silence.
The small shift happening between him and our family.
I’m feeling anxious about him not coming home at the time he said he would.
For a week, things between us were fine but then Killian started asking for him more. He started coming home late at night this week, but in the beginning he would text me. But tonight, I haven’t gotten one single text from him.
All week he has been with Killian and at least before, he would have days off to spend time with me or the kids but it feels like we only see him in the morning and then he’s gone.
“Mommy,” Easton says, moving his plate towards me. “Can I have more mashed potatoes?”
“Of course, baby.” I force a smile and scoop some mashed potatoes on his plate. I look back at Junior who stares at the door again, like he expected Hayden to walk through with his arms wide and a big smile on his face.
But the door stayed closed.
“Where’s dad at?” Junior finally asks.
