Page 71 of Till Death Us Do Part: Book 2
“Perhaps, someday in the far future,” she said with a careless shrug. “At the moment, I have a tough time picturing it. Ilikebeing a widow and have no compulsion to imagine any other state.”
Darcy shook his head in confusion.
“I see you do not understand. Do not fret. It is not a shortcoming, just a point of view you have never had to consider.”
“I would be obliged if you explained.”
Amanda unwisely poured the last of the wine.
“Widowhood is the most powerful state for women in our society—at least in more enlightened places. You see—” then shedrank from her wine. “You probably worked out that I was born a gentlewoman?”
“I did the first day, but I assume that is akin to a schoolboy being proud he could write his name.”
“Yes, not exactly difficult to decipher. I could disguise the accent and mannerisms if I chose, but I believe they help sales, so I make no effort.”
“Go on.”
“In our society, women are raised withexpectations, and they are frankly not very exciting. We must learn the dreaded accomplishments, most of which, with the possible exception of music, merely serve as husband bait and are worthless after marriage. How many purses, cushions, tables, or drawings do you need?”
Darcy nodded, having come to the same conclusion years before, though he made his sister learn all the accomplishments just like her father would have, because it was the done thing.
“We start out under the exclusive authority of our fathers, who have iron-clad control over every aspect of our lives. Eventually, if all goes well, we become thepropertyof the highest bidder in the marriage market.”
The words rang of bitterness, and Darcy wondered exactly where it came from. Her husband, whom she had not mentioned once in the three months Darcy had known her, probably had something (or more likely everything) to do with it, but he was unwilling to ask directly.
“Our lives are constrained by the men who hold themselves above us,” she added with a resigned shrug. “You can have no concept of what that feels like—to be entirely powerless; to have essentially no control over your own life. Your sister does, but you cannot.”
Darcy got a sinking feeling that he was not the only bad husband in the world, and Mr Thorne was probably no prize either.
He said, “Was your—”
She shrugged, understanding the implied question, and said somewhat unwisely, “He may have been a good man, but whatever goodness he may or may not have possessed waswell hiddenfrom me. He did nothing terrible, as some husbands are wont to do, but he did not treat me well either.”
“What happened?” he asked, wondering if he was lurching into the proverbial quicksand.
“The usual,” she replied with a shrug. “We struck an agreement:‘till death us do part’. It ended as per contract, and I became a widow.”
Darcy assumed she was leaving a lot of the middle parts out. “What about widowhood do you find appealing?”
She brightened considerably. “Everything! Just everything!I can own property! I can make my own business! I can enter into my own agreements! If I make money, I can spend it how I want! If I lose money, I can starve on my own stupidity and indolence!” Then she laughed a bit. “I can have a private dinner with a widower without raising eyebrows, which would be truly scandalous if either of us were single.”
“That is true.”
“I can assure you, if you have a modest amount of money, almost everything about widowhood beats marriage or maidenhood. I came away with enough funds to live simply without doing any work at all, but work gives life meaning, don’t you think?”
Darcy considered for a while. “Work is one thing that can give life meaning, but I do not believe it to be the only thing. Marriage and children can, in the right situation, give you purpose. I found that doing good works has its own satisfaction.There are any number of ways to do so, but I see that makes your point for you. If you are capable of prosperity on your own, then widowhood gives you the choice to find meaning as you will.”
“Now you have it,” she said in some satisfaction. “Oh, and I agree about the good works. I also engage in my own, and those take money but give immense satisfaction.”
He thought a minute. “All the same, it seems a path that would eventually lead to loneliness. Would it not be better to face life with a strong partner? To have someone with you if you are ill, or frightened? Someone to age and grow old with? Someone to raise children with?”
“Have you ever seen a couple that istrulyhappy in their marriage?”
“Several!” he said, then hoped she would not demand he name them.
The rapidity of the response surprised Amanda. “I know a few, I suppose. Before my marriage I knew exactly one, and my marriage did nothing to increase the total. I have met several couples during my widowhood who seem very content. In fact, I have two partner couples who seem incredibly happy with their lives. Perhaps even love is not a myth, though neither of us seems to have experienced anything remotely like it.”
Darcy sighed. “I let it slip through my fingers like sand. I feel I could have had it, but—”
