Page 36 of Code Name: Atticus
I thought it over, weighing our options. “Let’s wait and see if he even notices our absence, then come up with a cover story.”
“Like?”
“If he follows up, I’ll say I got food poisoning or something. Bad seafood from dinner last night. It’s believable and explains a sudden absence without raising suspicion.”
“Simple and effective,” he agreed. “Plus, it gives us an excuse to seem eager to make up for missing it.”
“Back still bothering you?” I asked when Atticus stood, stretched, and winced.
“I’ll live. Though that massage helped. The kiss was pretty therapeutic too.”
“Onetime thing,” I said, winking.
“So…” he said after a moment. “Are we going to spend the next few hours pretending we’re not thinking about what almost happened? Then tomorrow, we’ll pretend today didn’t happen? And next week, we’ll still be pretending.”
He was right. We were both experts at compartmentalizing, at pushing through, at ignoring inconvenient truths.
“So what do you suggest?”
“I don’t know.” He ran a hand over his short-cropped hair. “Maybe we just acknowledge it. Whatever this is between us, it’s there.”
“Right,” I agreed.
“Since we aren’t going to the party tonight, we’ve got some time to kill.”
“I need to brief Soledad, get caught up on emails, then prepare for Emma’s arrival.”
“In other words, you want space?”
“I want a lot of things,” I said, then stopped myself from elaborating when I knew I shouldn’t. As I headed for the door, he called after me.
“Brenna?”
I paused.
“We’re okay,” he said. “Whatever happens, we’ll be okay.”
As I made my way upstairs, not sure what I’d do when I got there, all I could think was maybe he’d be okay. But me? Requesting to work with Atticus on this investigation was probably the stupidest thing I’d ever done. Because when it ended, I’d be anything but okay.
ATTICUS
Isaid the words, but would we be? Would I?
The truth was, this thing between Brenna and me had been building since the moment we met. Yeah, we were both too young to recognize it for what it was back then. Thankfully. I wasn’t any more ready for it than she was at the time.
I wasn’t lying when I told her that turning her down that night on her parents’ porch was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. So many things played into why I had—that her brother was my roommate and best friend, how much I respected her parents and appreciated how I was always welcome in their home, but mainly, it was Brenna. I knew then that I’d hurt her, and I couldn’t do that.
Now, though, I knew I wouldn’t. I was more worried she’d hurt me, especially after witnessing her phone call with the mystery person last night. I mean, we’d kissed. How could she have done that if she was involved with someone else?
And how crazy was it that I’d suggested we didn’t have to return to separate lives at the end of this mission? More than a little nuts. Except, I meant it. She wouldn’t believe me, but I did.
When the gig with K19 Sentinel Cyber had turned up, I was anxious for the transition away from boots-on-the-ground-style missions. The idea that I could continue doing what I loved—serving my country and fighting against those who threatened our freedom, our safety, and our lives—and do it mostly from behind a computer, held a fuck of a lot of appeal.
There may have been a time when I would’ve chastised myself for it, but no longer. The few ops I’d run with the K19 crew made a difference. A big difference. We’d taken down bad guys who were just as dangerous as the ones I’d fought against in Afghanistan.
The other thing was that the camaraderie was the same. While our team was made up of men and women who’d been in the military and some who hadn’t, it felt no different from when I graduated from the academy and deployed for the first time.
There were plenty of jokes passed around, calling my chosen branch “Chair Force,” but we fought in the trenches just as much as any of the other armed services did. They knew it as well as I did.
